One More Night
by Heavenly Azure
Summary: Layla was being dragged back to rehab by her sponsor, Kirsten, when traffic came to a screeching halt. After the panic subsided, one group of survivors chose to stick together to try and outlast the outbreak. Though Kirsten tries to nurse Layla in secret as she goes through withdrawal, it becomes quite clear to the rest of the group that something is off with our protagonist...
1. Handy, Calm, Perceptive

**Handy, Calm, Perceptive**

**Author's Note: **Andrea and Amy do not exist in my story.

0o0o0

I had been staring out the closed window for the past thirty minutes or so. At the start of the three hour and forty two minute drive from Valdosta to Atlanta, I had done nothing _but_ stare out the window. About fifteen or twenty minutes in, the blur of the scenery started making me dizzy. Kirsten directed me to the glove compartment. Inside, I found a bottle of Dramamine. If I had to describe Kirsten to someone who didn't know her, after using a string of angry profanities, I would probably say that she was handy. She was the kind of person you wanted to be by your side in a pinch. That was why it was so fortunate for me when she was sitting next to me when we heard that now legendary broadcast on that fateful day in early September 2003.

When I realized how long I was able to look out the window without my head spinning, I looked out the windshield. Traffic was at a complete standstill. I looked over at Kirsten. She was staring straight ahead, tapping the top of the steering wheel in time with the beat of the radio. I stared straight ahead. We weren't moving. We weren't going anywhere. At first, I was only annoyed with being stuck in the car for a longer period of time than I had anticipated. Then, the realization that we were stuck started sinking in. As anxiety started to build inside of me, I could only hear Kirsten tapping the steering wheel. Even over the music, all I could hear was the sound of her keeping rhythm.

"Stop it." I muttered suddenly, squeezing my eyes shut.

Kirsten stopped tapping. I heard her flip the radio off as I wiped my sweaty palms on my jeans. I opened my eyes, hurriedly unrolling the window. Just hearing the world outside seemed to help, if only a little bit. I wasn't trapped. I was free to open the car door and get out at any time.

"You need to relax, Layla." Kirsten told me.

Kirsten's voice was always gentle. Even though that could be soothing, it could also be grating at times. Although a part of me wanted to grit my teeth in annoyance, I tried to let her voice calm me.

"I'm sure this is nothing to worry about." Kirsten reassured me. "There was probably an accident up ahead, or maybe even roadwork. Whatever it is, it won't keep us much longer."

"How do you know?" I asked, sticking my arm out the window to touch the hood of the car.

"I'm choosing to stay positive." Kirsten looked over at me with a soft smile. "So should you."

"That's easy for you to say." I mumbled, looking out the open window.

"Do you want to talk?" Kirsten asked.

I shook my head.

"Okay." Kirsten replied. "I'm just going to say one more thing, then I'll be quiet."

I rolled my head to the side to give Kirsten an agitated look.

"If you get yourself worked up, the side effects are only going to get worse." Kirsten warned. "You've done great so far. You just have to hold on for a little while longer."

Without any kind of response, I turned my attention to the side of the road. I watched the stillness of the tree line as time passed. As I became aware of just how much time was getting away from me, I felt my palms becoming clammy. I had to get out of the car and stretch my legs, otherwise I wouldn't make it to the recovery center before things got bad.

"Layla?" Kirsten sounded calm, but she immediately opened her car door when I got out.

I held my hands over my head, stretching my arms.

"Are you feeling okay?" Kirsten asked, circling the car.

"I just needed to get out of the car." I replied, rocking back and forth on my tiptoes.

"If you're feeling agitated-"

"The only thing that is agitating me is feeling like I'm under a microscope all the time." I interrupted harshly. "It's one of the reasons I left."

"Layla, I'm only here to help you." Kirsten murmured. "If you're feeling okay, then I'll leave you alone. In fact, why don't you take a walk?"

I raised a surprised and somewhat suspicious eyebrow.

"You would let me do that?" I asked.

"Yes." Kirsten answered simply.

I folded my arms over my chest.

"You would let me take a walk alone?" I repeated my question, waiting for some kind of catch.

"Of course." Kirsten broke out into a smile. "I trust you."

I felt a little guilty for having been short with Kirsten before. If it weren't for the fact that she hadn't left my side in the past twenty four hours, I might have asked her to come with me as a form of extending an olive branch. Instead, I accepted what would probably be my only taste of freedom for a long time.

"I won't be gone long." I promised Kirsten.

"I want you to take a water bottle with you." Kirsten said as she reached in through the open window to grab my water bottle from the center console. "You need to stay hydrated."

I accepted the bottle.

"I'll stick to the guardrail." I said, already heading away from Kirsten and the car.

"I'll be right here, Layla." Kirsten replied.

I walked along the shoulder, feeling much better than I had confined in the car. Other people had the same idea as me. They were sitting on the hoods of their cars, heading off into the woods to pee, stretching their arms and legs. I kept to myself as I walked. I tried to peer ahead to see if there were any signs explaining what had happened. There weren't any. I figured Kirsten was right. There must have been some kind of accident or they were working on the road ahead.

At one point, I remembered my water. I paused to have a drink, but I stopped when I saw how badly my hand was shaking. I could barely keep my fingers on the cap to twist it open. The tremor was enough to send me back to Kirsten's car. She was lucky we were stuck in a traffic jam. If we were anywhere close to the city, I would be gone. Kirsten was lucky that I was afraid. The side effects of withdrawal had been enough to scare me into relapse before.

When I got back to the car, I immediately climbed inside.

"How was your walk?" Kirsten asked, smiling over at me as she closed her book.

I held out my hand for her to see. It shook as though an earthquake was going on around me. I looked up at Kirsten's face, waiting to see some sign of panic or fear. I didn't. If I had to describe Kirsten to a stranger, handy would definitely be followed by calm.

"That's perfectly normal, Layla." Kirsten assured me gently.

"It doesn't feel normal." I clenched my hand into a fist. "It feels fucking awful."

"I know." Kirsten replied with a soft sigh. "This is the hard part, Layla. I promise that when this part of your journey is all over, you'll be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel more easily."

I slunk down in my seat, folding my arms over my chest. I put my feet up on the dashboard.

"Why don't I turn on the radio?" Kirsten suggested, reaching for the dial. "If you concentrate on something other than how you feel, it will help."

"I doubt it." I grumbled.

"My sponsor and the nurse who checked in on me when I was going through my withdrawal period both played music for me." Kirsten said, ignoring my grumpy behavior.

I stared at my feet as Kirsten flipped through the stations. She had just settled on a channel when the sound suddenly cut out. I looked at the radio curiously just as a burst of static popped.

"We interrupt this broadcast to bring you breaking news." A man's voice spoke through the static. "As of right now, our president is urging all U.S. citizens to seek shelter immediately."

"What the hell?" I asked, rolling up my window as Kirsten turned up the volume.

"Shh." Kirsten shooshed me softly as she concentrated on the emergency broadcast.

"If you are in a residential area, please go indoors and remain there." The man paused. "Our military has been authorized to shut down all major roads, so if you are on the road, you should stop wherever you are. Soldiers performing guard duty at designated roadblocks have been given permission to act at their own discretion. The chances are, you will not be permitted passage into our major cities if you are not within the city limits already."

I looked up through the windshield. People were getting out of their cars. They were running up and down the road, weaving through the vehicles trapped there.

"Kirsten-"

"Layla, be quiet." Kirsten ordered calmly. "I need to hear the rest of this."

I balled my sweaty hands into fists on my lap.

"Lastly, the Surgeon General is urging everyone to keep as little physical contact with one another as possible-"

Before the broadcaster could finish his sentence, Kirsten's car was lurching forward as the car behind us ran full force into us. I turned around to see the driver, a man, glaring angrily at us. I watched as he slammed down on his steering wheel. His horn blared.

I clenched my jaw in a sorry attempt to calm down. My pitiful effort wasn't enough to tame my tightly wound temper. I reached for the door handle, but the locks suddenly disappeared into the door. I turned my head to see Kirsten with her finger on the button that locked the doors.

"Stay here." Kirsten said, as though nothing had happened.

"He just rear ended us." I snapped, waving one hand in the driver's direction.

"Layla, there is nothing that you can say or do to change how he feels." Kirsten replied. "There is _no_ sense in trying to _talk_ sense into someone who is as angry or as frustrated as he very clearly is."

"Do I look calm, cool, and collected to you?" I asked, giving Kirsten a bewildering look.

"No, which is just one more reason you should stay in the car."

I glanced up long enough to see the man behind us getting out of his car.

"He's getting out of the car, Kirsten!" I shouted, reaching for the door handle again.

"Layla, I will handle this." Kirsten raised the volume at which she spoke, but her tone remained the same.

Kirsten turned towards her closed window as the man came up beside the car.

"Get the fuck out of my way, lady!" The man outside Kirsten's window yelled.

"Sir, where do you want me to go?" Kirsten asked, pointing to the traffic ahead. "I'm in the same position as you-"

"Pull off the road!"

"What the fuck are you going to do?!" I shouted, leaning across the console towards Kirsten. "Are you going to ram your shitty Honda CR-V through all this traffic, asshole?!"

"Layla, I can handle this." Kirsten murmured, turning her head to give me a stern look.

"What did you just say to me?!" The man roared as he pounded on Kirsten's window.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw someone approaching the car. I turned my head to see an older man, probably in his fifties or sixties, coming from the direction of an RV. He had on a hat that made him look like he was going fishing. It was funny, but even just the sight of him kind of made me feel slightly at ease. I uncurled my fists as I watched him stop in front of Kirsten's car.

"What's going on back here?" The old man asked, looking from Kirsten and I to the angry driver.

"Beat it, Gramps." The man at Kirsten's window snapped.

"Son, I think you should just get back in your car." The old man replied, unfazed by the aggressive driver. "Harassing these women isn't going to get you through this jam any faster. In fact, it isn't going to get you through it at all."

"What do you know?!"

"Have you heard the radio broadcast?" The old man asked. "It's looping on all the channels. None of us are going anywhere unless we get out and walk."

The man just stood, staring at the old man. He didn't know how to react or what to do. After a minute or two, he turned around and went back to his car. I watched him in the rearview mirror, half expecting him to pull out a baseball bat or a gun. Instead, he emerged with a backpack. Then, he headed up the road. When he was out of sight, Kirsten unlocked the car.

Only when Kirsten had opened her door and gotten out did I do the same.

"Thank you for your help." Kirsten thanked the old man, extending her hand to shake his.

"It wasn't any trouble." The old man replied with a smile, shaking Kirsten's hand.

"I'm surprised that you chose to help, considering that the broadcast stated we should limit our contact with other people." Kirsten stood with her hands on her hips.

"Nonsense." The old man waved his hand. "I've always been sociable. Some would even say that I was nosey, although my intentions are always good, but I digress. My name is Dale."

"I'm Kirsten." Kirsten wrapped one arm around me suddenly. "This is my sister, Layla."

I glanced sideways at Kirsten as she lied so smoothly to Dale.

"It's good to meet you both." Dale pointed to the car. "Can I give you a hand with that?"

"Oh, I wasn't able to check for any damage." Kirsten replied, looking back at the car.

"Well, why don't we take a look?" Dale suggested, already heading for the car.

With Dale out of earshot, I moved to get out of Kirsten's one armed embrace so that I could confront her about lying.

"Sister?" I asked, keeping my volume only just higher than a whisper.

"Did that make you angry?" Kirsten asked.

"I thought you said recovery was nothing to be ashamed of." I replied coolly, folding my arms over my chest. "Isn't that what you've said to me before only a million times?"

"It isn't and that isn't the reason I lied." Kirsten took a step towards me and lowered the volume of her voice. "I don't know how long we're going to be stuck here on the road. Now, Dale seems like a nice enough man, but if the wrong person were to find out you were going through withdrawal…"

Kirsten glanced back at Dale, who was inspecting the back of the car.

"You're in a very vulnerable place right now." Kirsten looked back at me. "I think that information is best kept between you and I. Will you be able to live with that?"

I understood that Kirsten was trying to protect me, so I nodded in agreement.

"Good." Kirsten gave me a smile. "Have some water. That exchange before got pretty heated."

I watched Kirsten head back to the car to help Dale with the inspection. While they checked the back of the car, I returned to my side so that I could get my water bottle. I took several swigs.

"Well, there's good news and bad news." Kirsten said as she circled the car towards me.

"What?" I asked warily.

"The muffler came loose when that driver rear ended us." Kirsten pointed to the back of the car with her thumb. "I can drive without one, but technically, it is a fire hazard."

"Fire hazard?" I asked, lifting an eyebrow.

"I have an oxygen tank in the trunk as part of what I call my onsite withdrawal and recovery kit." Kirsten murmured quietly. "I don't feel comfortable having the car on with it in the trunk."

"Okay…so what's the good news?"

"Dale has invited you and I to share his RV until things get going." Kirsten replied with a smile.

"What?" I asked, taking a step away from the car. "How is that _good_ news?"

"I thought you would be relieved." Kirsten said, placing a hand on her hip. "If you were worried about suffering through your withdrawal symptoms in my tiny Neon, you don't have to be anymore. Dale was gracious enough to offer the bed up to us."

"Well, in that case." I muttered, rolling my eyes.

"Layla, use your words." Kirsten requested kindly.

I took a step towards Kirsten.

"I don't want to _fucking_ withdraw in the back of a _fucking_ RV with a complete _fucking _stranger sitting only a few _fucking_ feet away." I stepped backward. "How are those words?"

"Overly and unnecessarily hostile." Kirsten replied with a shrug. "I wouldn't expect anything less from someone in recovery at this point. You're already agitated from the beginning stages of withdrawal. Couple that with being stuck in a traffic jam and then being forced into an uncomfortable situation when you will be at your most vulnerable and miserable…"

I looked off into the trees. Kirsten always seemed to know how I felt. It was because she was an alcoholic too, but also because she was very in touch with a broad range of emotions. If I had to describe Kirsten to someone who didn't already know her, after handy and calm, I would say that she was perceptive.

"I know this isn't going to be easy, but I'm here for you." Kirsten reassured me softly, putting her hand on my shoulder. "I'll be here for you every step of the way. You won't be alone."

I looked back at Kirsten. Even though she could get right under my skin, she was also the closest thing I had to a mom or a sister or a friend. All of my friends were doing what I wanted to be doing – drinking. That was why they couldn't be my friends anymore.

"I'm going to grab everything out of the trunk that I'll need for the next few days." Kirsten motioned to the car. "If you could just grab our personal things from the backseat. I'm sure Dale will help you."

I opened the door closest to me. Kirsten's suitcase was sitting neatly on the floor behind her seat. My leather duffel was askew, hanging halfway off the seat. I leaned over to grab the suitcase, but the door opened. Dale appeared with a smile.

"I'll get that for you."

"Sure." I mumbled, collecting my duffel before slamming the door shut.

I rounded the car and stood there awkwardly, waiting for Dale to lead the way.

"Does your sister need any help?" Dale asked, pointing back to where Kirsten was hunched over in the trunk.

"I think she's got it covered." I replied.

"If you say so." Dale headed towards the RV up the road. "So, where were you coming from?"

Dale glanced back at me as he led the way.

"Nowhere special." I replied, averting his gaze to stare down at my feet as I walked.

"Ah. I see." Dale said. "I was on my way to Atlanta from Birmingham myself."

I looked up. Dale was turned away from me.

"I'm sort of on the last stretch of a road trip." Dale explained as we reached the RV.

"Road trip?" I asked as Dale opened the RV door.

"Yeah." Dale gave me a smile. "I was in Birmingham to see the Civil Rights Institute."

"Sounds kind of boring." I murmured honestly.

Dale laughed as he stepped aside to let me into the RV first.

"It was actually very interesting." Dale insisted as he climbed up behind me. "It's a museum and research center. It's main focus being the Civil Rights Movement of the 50s and 60s."

"Did you really have to visit a museum?" I asked, turning around to face Dale.

"What do you mean?" Dale asked, his brow furrowing in confusion.

"I mean, didn't you live it?" I asked, resisting the urge to break out into a grin.

Dale laughed even harder than before.

"I was only a kid then." Dale shook his head. "I didn't know anything about the world, not even the one right outside my front door."

It was quiet then. I felt awkward just standing there in Dale's RV. I turned my head to see into the back. I could see part of the bed that Kirsten and I would share. There would be no privacy.

"That back there is where you and your sister can stay." Dale pointed to the back of the RV. "I'll go and set her suitcase back there. Make yourself at home."

I let Dale through. As he made his way to the back, I heard Kirsten coming up the steps. She had taken off her thin sweater, wearing only a tank top beneath, to hide the miniature oxygen tank under her arm. She had a leather bag in her other hand. Just looking at it made me anxious.

"You're doing great." Kirsten whispered with an encouraging smile.

"Do you need any help with that, Kirsten?" Dale asked, emerging from the back.

"No, but thank you, Dale." Kirsten replied sweetly. "I'm just going to set all of this stuff down."

"The bathroom is right there if either of you need to use it." Dale pointed to the door next to the small table behind the driver and passenger seats. "I'm going to head out for a minute and see if there have been any developments."

"Okay." Kirsten gave Dale a nod as he squeezed past us.

I went into the back after Dale exited the RV. I sat down on the edge of the bed, tossing my duffel onto the floor. Kirsten joined me in back. First, she set the leather bag down on the built in drawers next to the bed. She pushed the oxygen tank under the bed out of sight. With her sweater free, she pulled it on over her head.

"With Dale gone, I'd like to check you out so that I have a base line to work with." Kirsten said, opening the leather bag. "You've been through this before."

"I know." I muttered, pulling my hair out of its ponytail.

"Just try to relax." Kirsten held out a glass thermometer. "Put this under your tongue."

I accepted the thermometer, watching as my hand shook. Seeing my hand shaking that way did nothing for my nerves. Before I could do anything about it, I dropped the thermometer to the floor. It rolled under the bed.

"Shit." I hissed, looking down between my feet.

"Layla, relax." Kirsten said calmly. "I have another thermometer here. This one is digital. I stick it in your ear."

I looked up as Kirsten produced the thermometer. It looked more like a drill.

"See?" Kirsten asked, brushing my hair aside as she inserted the end into my ear. "No worries."

0o0o0

I might have cared more that we still weren't moving by sunset if it weren't for the fact that I had broken out in a cold sweat so fierce that I was practically strangling myself with the sheets to get warm. My body shook, but it wasn't a shiver produced by the chill I was experiencing. I was trembling because my body wanted what I couldn't have. The only medicine that would cure my ailments was alcohol. I laid there in bed, dreaming of a double shot of whiskey in one hand and a can of ice cold PBR in the other.

"Layla, talk to me." Kirsten spoke suddenly from the chair she had pulled up to my bedside.

"What do you want from me?" I mumbled, pulling the sheets tighter around me.

"How do you feel?" Kirsten asked. "Do you feel like your fingers and toes are full of pins and needles? Are you-"

"I feel like shit." I snapped.

I tried to roll over away from Kirsten, but the muscles in my left leg seized up. I groaned in pain as I tried to rub the sudden cramp away. I felt Kirsten's hands on mine. She started massaging the outside of my thigh, working her way down to my calf. Her gentle, but firm grip helped alleviate the pain.

"I think you're dehydrated." Kirsten said, pulling her hands away. "I'm going to check your blood pressure to make sure, but I think that's what's going on."

I didn't move as Kirsten maneuvered a blood pressure cuff around my upper arm. It was self-inflating, so all Kirsten had to do was press a button. It squeeze my arm to the point of numbness, then released.

"Your blood pressure is much lower than it was when I checked it before." Kirsten murmured, pulling the cuff off of me. "I'm going to need to set up an IV."

"An IV?" I asked, turning my head to look at Kirsten as she got to her feet.

"I'll be right back." Kirsten said, heading for the front of the RV.

As I waited for her to come back, I heard the door open. Dale had finally come back.

"Dale, do you have any duct tape?" I heard Kirsten ask.

"I should have a roll in my toolbox." Dale answered questioningly. "Is something wrong?"

"Layla is sick." Kirsten replied without missing a beat. "I need to get some fluids into her system. In order to do that, I need to set up an IV."

"An IV?" Dale asked.

"I found a hook on the back of the bathroom door." I heard Kirsten's footsteps approaching. "I hope you don't mind that I took it down."

Kirsten appeared with the hook she mentioned. She positioned it on the wall next to the bed.

"I was going to hang the saline bag here." Kirsten explained, looking up at Dale as he joined us in the back of the RV. "I need duct tape to secure the hook."

Dale looked down at me, then back up at Kirsten.

"Is there something I should know?" Dale asked.

Kirsten's and my eyes met.

"I'll come with you to get the duct tape and explain everything." Kirsten said quietly.

Dale gave Kirsten a nod before he led the way to wherever the toolbox was.

While Kirsten and Dale were gone, I my leg started cramping up again. I rubbed furiously at my muscles, trying to soothe them. All I could think as I worked my hands was that even just one sip of alcohol could make the pain go away. Those kinds of thoughts were why I had lapsed after my first stint of trying to get sober, and then made me relapse after I tried a second time. This was my third time trying to get sober, only this time, I felt like I was being forced into it. It was Kirsten's annoyingly strong faith in me that got me into her car.

I heard Kirsten and Dale return what seemed like hours later, even though I knew it couldn't have been more than ten or fifteen minutes.

"Okay, Layla, let's get this IV going." Kirsten said as she taped the hook to the wall. "I promise that you'll start to feel much better once you get rehydrated."

"Can I get you anything, Layla?" Dale asked as he stood by the bathroom door.

I shook my head.

"I'll be up front if you need me for anything." Dale told Kirsten.

"Thank you." Kirsten gave Dale an appreciative nod.

I watched as Kirsten produced an IV bag full of clear liquid, a length of translucent tubing, an impressive looking needle, a small bottle of rubbing alcohol, and a square of gauze. She worked the tubing up into the IV bag first. Then, she hung it on the hook. She watched it for a moment to make sure it remained in place. When it did, she soaked the gauze in rubbing alcohol.

"Let me see your left arm." Kirsten said, holding her hand out.

I gave Kirsten my arm. As she cleaned the area she planned to stick with her needle, I looked at the bottle of rubbing alcohol. I wondered if it would have the same effect as liquor if I were to drink it.

"Consuming any amount of isopropyl alcohol is poisonous." Kirsten murmured without looking up from what she was doing.

I smirked at Kirsten when she finally lifted her head. She gave me a smile.

"This will only hurt for a second." Kirsten reassured me as she picked up the needle.

I turned my head towards the window above my head as Kirsten prepared to stick me. I watched the sky as its color started to fade into darkness, wincing when I felt the needle. By the time the sky was completely dark, Kirsten had finished my IV. I looked up to see the liquid trailing down the tubing and into my arm. I could feel the sweats that had plagued me for hours starting to dry up.

"I think it would be okay to give you something to help you sleep." Kirsten said, reaching into her bag. "What do you think?"

"I think it's better for me not to be awake." I replied.

Kirsten produced a syringe.

"I only have a limited amount of these." Kirsten warned me as she squirted some of the medicine out of the syringe. "Sooner or later, you'll have to cope with these symptoms while you're awake."

"Not tonight." I whined, lifting my arm up off the bed.

Kirsten nodded in agreement as she flicked the syringe.

"You've had a long day."

Kirsten carefully pierced my skin with the needle. I watched as she pushed down on the plunger, pumping me full of a sedative that would help me sleep.

"Get some sleep, Layla." Kirsten whispered. "Hopefully by the time you wake up, we'll be moving. This will all be over soon."

I could already feel the sedative working. I almost felt drunk, which brought a stupid smile to my face. I let the drowsiness pass over me like a wave. It took hold of me, and soon, I was asleep.


	2. Preparing For Hell

**Preparing For Hell**

I didn't dream that night. The sedative knocked me out fiercely, as though I had been punched square in the jaw. I would know. It had happened to me before. My drunk friends and I acted like fools, but it had always seemed fun to me. It wasn't until later, in between drunken stupors, that I thought we had been idiots. When we were hammered, things that sane, sober people would never dream of doing became our norm. We would stumble, barefoot and giggling, down residential streets, using manicured lawns as our toilets if the urge hit. We would go into dollar stores and have contests as to who could shoplift more or who could steal the most ridiculous item in the joint. We would throw bricks and rocks through the windows and windshields of pricey cars. We staged fake fist fights at the mall. I tried giving a lapdance to a police officer when he rounded a group of us up as we were leaving a bar. Not even a week later, I did it again. The list of ridiculous behavior went on and on.

When I did open my eyes, Kirsten wasn't sitting at my side. I felt delirious. My head spun as I tried to sit up. When I finally did sit up, the urge to be sick came on so violently that I leapt up out of bed before I had any time to think about what a bad idea that was. The IV was pulled right out of my arm. I shouted in pain and surprise, but still I staggered to the bathroom door. I threw it open just in time to collapse in front of the toilet. Before I could even lift up the lid, I was throwing up all over it.

"Layla!" I heard Kirsten calling out to me.

A moment later, I heard her approaching the bathroom.

"Oh, Layla." Kirsten murmured, coming to my side. "I'm so sorry I wasn't here."

Kirsten gathered my hair into her hands as I continued to empty my stomach.

"This is just all part of the process." Kirsten reassured me, using her free hand to rub my back. "You're doing great."

Finally, I was through. I was used to being sick like that. It came with the territory. It was just like I had a bad hangover, except this time, I couldn't reach for a beer when I was done puking.

"Layla, your arm." Kirsten gasped, grabbing me by the wrist. "Why didn't you-"

"I didn't have the time." I grumbled, looking at the vomit covered toilet.

"I need to stich this up immediately." Layla said, pulling me to my feet.

"Can I clean up first?" I asked.

"You can clean yourself up after I'm finished." Layla replied, leading me to the back of the RV. "This won't take more than five or ten minutes."

I sat down on the edge of the bed while Kirsten kept pressure on my arm. She fished through her leather bag with her other hand. She pulled out the necessary tools to stitch me up.

"How long was I out?" I asked groggily, wiping the corners of my mouth.

"It's early afternoon." Kirsten replied, sanitizing my open wound. "You must have been tired. I'm glad that you were able to sleep so long."

"Where's Dale?"

Kirsten paused for a moment. She looked up at me.

"What?" I asked warily.

Kirsten didn't reply right away. She went back to cleaning up my arm, her eyes flickering up to meet mine every few seconds. It was making me worry that Kirsten was so hesitant to share whatever it is that had happened with me. I wasn't used to Kirsten giving me any reason to be concerned.

"I thought about not sharing this information with you, but then I changed my mind." Kirsten finally said, threading her needle. "I think that full disclosure is best."

"What the hell is going on?" I asked, watching the needle weave in and out of my skin.

"After you fell asleep, Dale came back to the RV to get me." Kirsten began her story, concentrating on her needlework as she spoke. "I hadn't even realized that he had gone, but he had. He had gone out to walk the road again, but this time, he ran into some people."

Kirsten finished my stitches. She started to clean the blood that was drying on my arm.

"These people, they shared some information with Dale." Kirsten looked up at me. "I need you to remember that no matter what happens, I am right by your side."

Although she was trying to comfort and reassure me, she was only scaring me.

"Just spit it out, Kirsten." I snapped.

Kirsten gave me a nod.

"The reason for the broadcast we heard yesterday is this…there is some sort of illness that has started to spread across the country." Kirsten explained gently. "It's something that hasn't been seen before. Whatever it is, it's fatal when contracted."

I tried to process what Kirsten was telling me. I was finding it hard to stomach.

"Layla?" Kirsten touched my hand. "Are you okay?"

I remained silent. I didn't know how to answer that question. I wasn't okay. In fact, I was far from it. I was going through withdrawal in the presence of a stranger, and now, the truth behind yesterday's vague broadcast was finally coming out. It was perfect timing. Just perfect.

"Layla, I need to tell you more, but I can wait until later if you need some time."

All I wanted was a drink.

"I'll go clean up the bathroom." Kirsten said quietly, getting up. "I'm going to keep you off the IV for a little while, see how you do without it."

I watched Kirsten go into the bathroom. She shut the door behind her to clean up my mess. My eyes found themselves moving back to where Kirsten had been sitting. They landed on the bottle of rubbing alcohol Kirsten had used to clean my wound. I remembered what she had said about it being poisonous, but I was starting to wonder if she had only said that to scare me out of drinking it.

"Of course it's poisonous, you idiot." I grumbled to myself.

I laid down on the bed, trying not to visualize myself drinking at a bar or at a party at some stranger's rundown house. I tried not to think about how it would feel to have a bottle of beer in one hand, a second one stuffed down into my pants pocket, and a plastic shot glass full of cheap vodka in my other hand. I would be dancing around a sea of strangers, drinking anything I could get a hold of. My favorite thing to do at a house party was to gather up as much alcohol as I could, then I would take it all into an empty bedroom. I would get into a closet and shut the door behind me. There, I could be alone with my friends Jim, Jose, Molson, or Popov, whoever I could find. I would drink in the cozy solace of the closet until I passed out or someone found me. My friends knew to always check the closets.

_"You know, it's really sick to drink alone."_ My friends would laugh as they pulled me out.

_"I know."_ I would reply in agreement, but I always cracked open a beer to drink in bed when I got in from a night out.

I realized that thinking of alcohol was making me salivate. I swallowed.

"Knock, knock."

I looked up to see Dale standing there. He took his knuckle off the wall.

"I came to see if you needed anything." Dale said, brushing his hat back to scratch his head. "Are you hungry? Thirsty?"

If only he knew.

"No." I mumbled, rolling onto my back.

"Are you sure?" Dale asked. "I have a few bottles of water and some snacks to spare."

I shook my head as I stared up at the ceiling.

"Well, if you're sure." Dale sighed. "By the way, you look much better today."

"Yeah, right." I snorted.

Suddenly, the bed shifted as Dale sat down on the corner. I lifted my head to see him.

"You know, I have a nephew who had a problem not much different from yours." Dale looked over at the window opposite us. "For ten years, he let his addiction control him. I only ever saw him once when he came around to ask for money. In any case, he finally came to his senses. He's been clean for almost sixteen years."

"Was there a point to that story?" I asked grouchily.

"The point is that you can do it." Dale replied, looking back at me. "You can do it."

The door to the bathroom opened before I could crabbily respond to Dale's positivity and encouragement. Kirsten emerged with a bucket.

"Oh, Dale, hello." Kirsten gave him a smile. "I hope you don't mind, but I found this bucket in the bathroom and used it to clean up. Layla wasn't feeling so well."

"It's no problem." Dale waved his hand as he stood up. "Well, I'm going to see how the others are doing-"

"Others?" I asked, sitting up. "What others?"

Dale turned his head to look at Kirsten.

"You didn't tell Layla about last night?" Dale asked.

"Tell me what about last night?" I asked, looking from Kirsten to Dale. "What?"

Dale turned back around to face me.

"We heard a more detailed account of-"

"I already know that part." I interrupted aggressively. "Skip to the part where there are others that have now joined our little group."

"Layla, relax." Kirsten piped up from the bathroom doorway in her usual calm manner.

"It's all right, Kirsten." Dale reassured Kirsten before he continued filling me in. "The people we heard this from, a sheriff's deputy named Shane and a woman called Lori, they were miles back from where we were on the road. Apparently, Shane witnessed some pretty horrific stuff at the hospital in Atlanta."

"Where are they?" I asked.

"Well, during the night, most of the people on the road abandoned their vehicles or managed to maneuver them off the road." Dale shook his head. "It was chaos, and then the explosions started…"

"Explosions?"

"I can only guess that they were taking drastic measures to prevent any further spreading of this disease, but the military did what they could do destroy the city." Dale answered, staring down at the floor. "It's safe to say that anyone in the city is probably dead."

I couldn't take it. It sounded like the end of the world, and from Dale's demeanor, I guessed that I wasn't far off. There was no reason for me to being laying in bed, covered in puke and denying myself the only thing that would provide me with any comfort. Dale, Kirsten, and these new people be damned.

I threw back the covers and was out of bed in almost the same movement.

"Layla, are you going to be sick again?" Kirsten asked, stepping into the hall.

I shoved past Dale.

"Get out of my way, Kirsten." I grumbled, trying to move around her.

"Layla, you need to stop." Kirsten replied softly, lifting her hands to grab my arms.

"Don't touch me!" I shouted, ripping my arms away from Kirsten.

"Layla-" Dale was trying to intervene.

"Back off!" I screeched, throwing my elbows out between the two of them. "Back the fuck off!"

I stumbled back into Dale and reacted as though he were trying to attack me. I threw one elbow back, connecting it with his stomach. I could hear him sputtering behind me as I shoved my way past him back towards the bed. There were windows I could get out through if Kirsten and Dale tried to keep me.

"Layla, remember yourself." Kirsten raised her voice, but was able to retain her tone.

I reached for a heavy looking book, hurling it at one of the windows. It bounced right off the glass, landing open next to Kirsten's leather bag. I reached for it again, but I suddenly felt out of breath. The book hadn't been heavy enough for my body to react the way it was. I felt as though I had just run at full speed for several minutes. Before I could catch myself, I was falling back onto the bed.

"Dale, I need you to prep this oxygen tank." Kirsten instructed the old man calmly as she strode over to her leather bag. "Make sure the flow level is at zero."

I tried to catch my breath as Kirsten fished through her bag. She pulled out a stethoscope.

"It's at zero, Kirsten." Dale said, checking the small, green tank.

Kirsten knelt down in front of me as she put the earpieces into her ears.

"Turn the wrench once counterclockwise to open the valve."

Kirsten gently pried my hands from my chest so that she could place the bell of her stethoscope there. She concentrated on the sounds of my breathing and heartbeat, expertly moving the bell all over my chest as she listened.

"She's having heart palpitations." Kirsten murmured, turning her head to look up at Dale. "We need to get her on oxygen before any irregularities occur."

Dale immediately handed the mask over to Kirsten before giving me a concerned look.

"I'm going to slip this on over your head." Kirsten told me gently, already maneuvering the elastic band down over my head so that the mask fit snugly over my nose and mouth.

As I breathed, I could feel the oxygen filling my lungs. It was already helping.

"Just breathe deeply." Kirsten said soothingly.

"Try to relax, Layla." Dale partnered with Kirsten in trying to calm me down.

Kirsten kept one hand on my knee as she turned towards her bag. She rummaged through it until she found what she was looking for – an orange prescription bottle. She shook some oddly shaped white pills into her hand.

"Dale, could you hand me a water bottle?" Kirsten asked, holding the pills out to me. "Just move your mask aside for a minute to take these, okay?"

I looked down at the pills questioningly.

"It's Ativan." Kirsten told me. "It will help with your symptoms."

At the moment, all I wanted was not to feel like I had just run a mile. So, I took the pills from Kirsten and tossed them into my mouth. Dale handed me a water bottle to wash them down with. I put the oxygen mask on once I had swallowed the pills.

"You should start feeling better soon." Kirsten promised, rubbing my knee. "I want you to keep that mask on for at least ten minutes, then I think you should lie down and try to rest."

"What can I do to help?" Dale asked as Kirsten stood.

"Just keep the others out of the RV." Kirsten replied.

"I understand." Dale gave Kirsten a nod before he made his exit.

Kirsten turned back to face me, somehow managing to smile at me even after all that had happened. The woman was unbreakable. It was hard to believe she had ever been an addict.

"I'm going to finish cleaning up in there." Kirsten eyed the bathroom. "Will you be all right?"

I took the mask off so that I could reply.

"How do you know I won't run while you're in there?" I asked smartly.

"I guess I don't, but it helps that I trust you." Kirsten answered with a shrug.

"Even after all that?" I asked, genuinely surprised to hear that Kirsten still trusted me.

"Of course." Kirsten replied with a bright smile.

I watched as she entered the bathroom and shut the door behind her, the ultimate sign of trust.

0o0o0

Later, after I had rested with the help of those white pills, Kirsten came to me with a light meal and the rest of the story Dale had started before.

After Dale, Shane, and Lori had witnessed the explosions, they had returned to the RV. Dale brought Kirsten out to explain everything he had just learned. The four of them decided that they should stick together. Shane knew of a quarry several miles away. He suggested that they get the RV and his Jeep to that quarry in order to set up camp and figure out what to do from there. Apparently, Lori had left her son, Carl, in the care of some strangers she met on the road. When she returned to get him, she and Shane invited that family to join us at the quarry. The family consisted of a man, Ed, a woman, Carol, and a little girl, Sophia.

So, Dale managed to use his RV to make a pathway so that both Jeeps could get off the road. Together, the three vehicles made their way to the quarry. There were already people camped out by the woods surrounding the quarry, another family. Morales, Miranda, and their two kids, Eliza and Louis, explained that they had heard the news over the radio and decided to pull over at the quarry until there was any kind of developments. They also explained why they weren't camped out in the actual quarry – there were already two men there. They were very territorial of that area. Since Morales was unarmed, he decided not to argue with them.

"So…now what?" I asked, picking at the protein bar Kirsten had given me along with an apple.

"Well, Shane was able to speak with the two men at the quarry, Merle and Daryl." Kirsten replied, reclined at the foot of the bed as though we were two girlfriends having a casual conversation. "In exchange for a gun, Merle and Daryl agreed to allow us to come down to the water when we need to."

"They sound like a couple of dicks." I snorted, chewing on a piece of the protein bar.

"They seem like they're very capable of living off the land." Kirsten said. "They have hunting gear, and according to Shane, they already have a nice stockpile of firewood and squirrel meat."

"Squirrel meat?" I asked, wrinkling my nose in disgust.

"Layla," Kirsten slowly sat up, "I have no idea how long we're going to be in this predicament. We have some snack food and a few pieces of fruit, but that's it. There might…_will_ come a time soon when we may have to rely on what we're able to find and catch out in the woods."

The protein bar in front of me suddenly looked delicious. Before, I never ate much because I drank instead. Without any alcohol to sustain me, I would get hungrier than usual. I didn't want to think about having to feast on some dirty squirrel or bird.

Kirsten suddenly laid her hand over mine.

"I don't want you to worry." Kirsten said as she looked at me very seriously. "I'm here, and as long as I'm here, you will be looked after and taken care of."

My hand twitched under Kirsten's. I knew she meant what she said. Her kind and genuine words made me uncomfortable. As a person who had never felt, or even _heard_ those kinds of things before, it was a foreign concept – the act of caring for someone other than yourself.

"How are you feeling?" Kirsten asked, taking her hand from mine.

I shrugged my shoulders as I picked up the apple.

"I feel like I have the flu." I mumbled, rolling the apple between my hands.

"That's normal." Kirsten replied softly. "If you feel up to it, I'd like you to try and sleep tonight without a sedative."

"Why?" I asked.

"I only have two more syringes left." Kirsten said.

I thought about it. Feeling sick was miserable, but I could get through it. There was no way that this was it. Kirsten was armed with a bag of medical supplies and a tank of oxygen. She didn't have those things because alcoholics going through withdrawal got the sniffles.

"Things are going to get worse, aren't they?" I asked, setting the apple down.

"I'm not going to lie to you." Kirsten scooted closer. "This isn't going to be a walk in the park. Your body is learning to live without a substance it's been accustomed to depending on for years."

"What's going to happen?" I asked warily, not sure if it was better knowing or not.

"Symptoms vary from person to person." Kirsten leaned forward. "Your attitude, the way you choose to cope with what happens, will have a massive effect on the severity of your discomfort."

"Smiling is going to make it all better?" I rolled my eyes as I leaned back against the pillows.

"It won't make it better, but a positive outlook could ease your pain and help you through it."

"Well, that sucks." I sulked openly. "My attitude is shit."

"It's up to you, Layla." Kirsten got up from the bed. "Only you have the power to change yourself."

I watched Kirsten tidy up around the back of the RV. She put things away that belonged in her leather bag, straightened up the table, and collected trash.

"I'm just going to make sure everyone is okay for the night." Kirsten said. "I'll be back soon."

"Kirsten?"

"What?" Kirsten asked.

"What did you tell the others about me?" I asked.

"I didn't tell them anything." Kirsten replied simply. "They don't even know you're here."

0o0o0

That night brought me nothing but cold sweats and a headache so dizzying that I couldn't even toss and turn in bed without feeling as though I was going to be sick. I wanted the sedative. At one point, I tried to tell myself that I needed it, but I tried to get through it. There were only two more sedatives left, and I needed those for when the shit really hit the fan. So, I remained awake most of the night, muttering obscenities at myself and Kirsten when she tried to comfort me. At some point during my suffering, Kirsten decided to put me on the IV again. It helped with the cold sweats, but did little for my head. For that, Kirsten gave me more Ativan, although she was being stingy with that too. She only had so much.

I fell asleep as the sky outside started to lighten. I had strange, vivid dreams. I dreamed that there were bright streaks of color dancing around in the darkness. They made squeaking sounds, like they were talking to each other. I dreamed that the sky had a hole torn in it. Stars, planets, and comets kept falling through the hole and landing gently on the ground. I dreamed that I was in a room made entirely of glass. Everything in it was made of it too. I was afraid to touch anything, so I just stood there. Then, someone started knocking at the door. It was weird because even though it was glass, I couldn't see through it to see who was on the other side. Before I could answer the door, the room suddenly shattered into millions of pieces.

I woke up, half expecting to see shards of glass sticking out of my limbs. I was still hooked up to the IV, so I took great care not to make the same mistake I had made the day before.

"How do you feel?"

I turned my head to see Dale sitting beside me.

"What are you doing?" I asked, stretching carefully. "Where's Kirsten?"

"I told her to get some sleep." Dale replied, nodding towards the front of the RV. "She's been asleep on the couch for about an hour."

"How long was I out?" I yawned.

Dale examined his watch.

"Oh…it's just after three." Dale answered, lowering his wrist. "You must have had a long night."

I shrugged.

"Kirsten said when you woke up you should have plenty of water so that you can come off of that IV." Dale said, reaching for something out of my line of sight. "She only has one saline bag left."

"Figures." I muttered.

"Here you go." Dale held out a water bottle to me.

I drank from the water bottle, watching Dale watching me out of the corner of my eye.

"What?" I finally asked.

"I was worried about you yesterday." Dale admitted, sitting back in his chair with a sigh. "I'm glad to see that you're doing better today."

"Oh you think so?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. "You want to switch bodies?"

Dale chuckled.

"I guess I meant your attitude."

I drank more water. Dale didn't know what I was thinking. I was thinking about the last bag of saline, the two sedatives, and the bottle of Ativan only a third of the way full. I was thinking that everything I had been experiencing had been child's play. I was preparing myself for hell.

"What can I do for you?" Dale asked, breaking the silence. "Hungry?"

I shook my head.

"Do you want to talk?"

"About what?" I asked with a smirk.

"We could talk about anything you want." Dale replied with a shrug.

"There's not much to tell." I murmured, sitting up against the pillows.

"Well, what's your full name?" Dale asked, sitting forward in his chair. "How old are you?"

I didn't understand Dale's desire to speak with me or the questions he had chosen. He said before he was sociable, but couldn't he tell that I wasn't? Did he feel like the questions were for my benefit? Was talking to me his way of trying to be helpful or comforting? I couldn't tell.

"Layla James." I finally answered. "I'm twenty six years old, so that would make me…"

I counted on my fingers.

"About a hundred years younger than you?" I asked.

"I hate to break it to you, but you're off by sixty two years." Dale replied with a laugh.

"What's a guy your age doing taking a road trip?" I asked, looking around the RV.

"What does age have to do with it?" Dale asked curiously, unoffended.

"Well, wouldn't it have made more sense to do it when you were younger?" I asked.

"Not at all." Dale said with a shake of his head. "I got myself an education and a good job, told myself that I would see this country when I had enough money saved up. In the meantime, I met Irma."

"Irma?" I asked.

Dale smiled.

"My wife."

I didn't need Dale to tell me. I figured it out. The absence of this woman and the sad smile tugging at Dale's lips did all the talking for him. Irma was dead.

"What happened?" I asked slowly.

"Cancer." Dale replied with another shake of his head. "By the time they found it…it was too late."

I didn't know what to say. Expressing healthy emotions wasn't my strong suit. I decided not to say anything at all. Dale could keep talking if he wanted to.

"I bought the RV before we found out she was sick." Dale went on to explain. "I was going to fix it up so that we could drive across this country together…"

Dale was quiet again. I didn't know why he kept talking about something that was obviously painful for him to remember and recount. He could have just shut his mouth. I wouldn't have pried. Instead, he continued telling me about how depressed he became when Irma died. He described the pain of losing the one you love, which made me feel nothing. I had never loved another person. Dale could have been describing how to change a tire or what the weather was like outside.

A few months after Irma died, Dale decided to fix up the RV and go on the road trip himself.

"Have you ever seen the ocean?" Dale asked as he told me all about his trip.

I shook my head.

"It's…quite a sight to say the least." Dale said with a soft smile and a chuckle.

"I don't think I'd like it." I mumbled, laying my head down.

"Why not?" Dale asked, lifting both eyebrows.

Suddenly, it sounded as though the door to the RV was opening. Dale and I both turned our heads to see a woman quietly slinking past Kirsten towards the back of the RV. She stopped dead in her tracks when she saw me laying there. She had long, brown hair and looked as though she might have weighed barely a hundred pounds soaking wet. Her brown eyes were wide as they flickered back and forth between Dale and I.

"Lori…" Dale slowly stood.

"I…I just wanted to ask you…" Lori stared at me.

"Lori, I can explain-"

"I should go." Lori pointed to the exit before promptly heading that way.

"Just stay here." Dale told me with a wave of his hand. "I'll sort this out."

I watched Dale go after Lori to try and explain my presence. I didn't see the big deal. It might have been surprising for Lori to discover another person on the RV, but why did it matter?

"Layla?"

I craned my neck to see Kirsten rousing. She lifted her head up to look at me.

"What's going on?" Kirsten asked tiredly.

"That woman, Lori, she just saw me." I replied.

Kirsten quickly got up off the couch despite the fact that she was still visibly tired. Without a word, she was heading down the stairs and out the RV door. I shook my head. Why had Lori reacted as though I were a ghost, and why were Dale and Kirsten so concerned with her finding out about me? I knew Kirsten had been concerned about people taking advantage of us if they knew I was in recovery and vulnerable, but she wouldn't have agreed to make camp with these people if she thought they were harmful.

I suddenly heard raised voices outside. I looked to the closed window.

Then, the door to the RV was being thrown open. I looked out into the hall to see a man heading towards me. I would have taken the time to look him over, but I was fixed on the fact that he was armed with a shotgun.


	3. The Angel

**The Angel**

I reacted to the armed man by reaching out to grab the closest thing to me in defense. Before I realized what it was, I hurled the object at the man. It was a water bottle, hardly a weapon. It bounced right off of the man's arm when he lifted it to shield his head. He stopped in his tracks, giving me a once over. The expression on his face wasn't threatening, but the gun in his hand wasn't putting me at ease.

"Stop!"

Kirsten bounded for us. The man stepped aside to let her through. She stood protectively in front of my bed, her hands out in front of her. Dale rushed back, but remained behind the armed man. Lori was right behind him, as well as a Hispanic looking man.

"I told you she isn't infected." Kirsten told the armed man sternly.

The man smirked and rubbed his nose.

"I'm just supposed to take you at your word now after you lied about her existence?" The man asked skeptically.

"Shane, she's telling the truth." Dale spoke up from where he stood.

"What the fuck is going on?" I asked, looking from face to face.

Shane focused his attention back on me when I spoke.

"What's going on is that you're sick." Shane cast a quick look at the IV. "It looks like you're really sick. The question is, what do you have?"

"What?" I asked, furrowing my brow in confusion. "What does it matter to you?"

Shane laughed strangely.

"It matters if you have this disease they're talking about on the radio." Shane replied.

I finally realized what the big deal was. I knew why Kirsten had kept my presence a secret and why Lori had been so freaked out when she saw me. They all thought I had the disease that caused all of this chaos, and Kirsten had known they would think that. She had been trying to protect me by lying.

"I can promise you I don't." I snorted, leaning back against the pillows.

"How do we know?" Shane asked, looking back at the others. "How can we be sure?"

"Layla is an alcoholic." Kirsten spoke up for the first time since she had gotten to my side.

"An alcoholic?" Shane asked, quirking a dark eyebrow.

"I'm her sponsor." Kirsten explained calmly. "I was bringing her to the recovery center in Atlanta when all of this happened. Luckily, I had all of my equipment with me. I've been taking care of her as she goes through withdrawal."

Shane lowered his shotgun out of view.

"Why didn't you just tell us that before?"

"I knew you would jump to the conclusion that Layla was sick with this disease." Layla replied.

"Can you really blame us?" Lori asked. "I mean, look at her. She's hooked up to an IV."

"So?" I asked, pulling it out.

"Do you have any kind of proof of your story?" Shane asked, looking between Kirsten and I.

"I really don't think that's necessary." Dale said as Kirsten reached for her leather bag.

Kirsten produced a set of pamphlets. I had seen them before. They were all about addicts, how to spot warning signs, what to do if someone ODs, etc. She handed them to Shane, who flipped the stack over in his free hand. He looked back up again at me. I lifted an eyebrow as he studied my face. After a minute, he nodded his head.

"Look, I'm sorry if I scared you." Shane apologized as he handed the pamphlets back to Kirsten. "We've heard all this stuff on the radio about this sickness, but I'm really the only person who has seen firsthand what it does."

"Whatever." I mumbled, looking away from Shane.

"Let's give Layla some room." Dale suggested as the Hispanic man and Lori already started shuffling off of the RV.

"Well…if you all need anything…" Shane murmured awkwardly before heading out.

When everyone was gone, Kirsten turned around towards me.

"Well, that went well, huh?" Kirsten asked with a smile.

"Tone it down, Kirsten." I groaned, sinking further into the pillows. "You're going to give me diabetes."

"Sorry." Kirsten replied with a shrug.

Kirsten sat down on the edge of the bed, inspecting the IV I had taken out.

"How are you doing?"

"My headache is starting to come back." I said, massaging one side of my head.

"Why don't you take some Ativan?" Kirsten asked, leaning forward to get the bottle from her bag. "You're probably hungry. I'll see what food is available."

"I don't feel hungry." I wrinkled up my nose at the thought of eating.

"Regardless, you still need to eat." Kirsten told me in a motherly tone. "Nutrition is just as important as hydration. Speaking of which…"

Kirsten handed over the Ativan before she got up to pick up my water bottle from the floor.

"I'll be right back." Kirsten said, holding the bottle out to me.

I took the Ativan and settled back down. Even though I had just woken, I felt like falling back asleep. I was sure Kirsten felt the same way, but I knew she wouldn't go back to sleep. She was going to bring me something to eat, sit with me, and take care of me. That was just the kind of person she was.

Kirsten returned with a Frisbee. I looked at it questioningly.

"It's a makeshift plate." Kirsten explained with a smile. "Ed had some MREs. I think this one is spaghetti and meatballs."

"You think?" I asked, raising an eyebrow as I took the Frisbee from Kirsten.

I understood what she meant. I wasn't quite sure what the small pile of goop on my plate was. It looked like it might have been spaghetti and meatballs, but it also looked like it could have been the entrails of some animal. I wanted to stick my nose up at it, but I knew it was probably all the group had at the moment. Since there was no utensil, I assumed I had to use my fingers.

"So…Ed is in the military?" I asked, scooping up some of the mess.

"Oh…I don't know." Kirsten replied with a shrug. "He keeps to himself. He's just about as pleasant as those two men camping out in the quarry."

"He shared his MREs, though?" I finally shoved the spaghetti into my mouth.

"Not exactly." Kirsten said as she settled down on the bed with me.

I chewed the spaghetti, even though it practically dissolved right in my mouth. It didn't taste quite as bad as it looked, but it still didn't taste like spaghetti and meatballs.

"Shane sort of _persuaded_ Ed to share." Kirsten explained slowly.

I picked up more spaghetti. Even though it was only my second bite, I could tell that I only had one or two more left on the Frisbee. Kirsten seemed to read my mind.

"We're trying to ration what we have." Kirsten said sympathetically. "Shane has been talking about getting a small group together to go into the city to forage for food and supplies."

I nodded.

"Did you eat?" I asked.

"Not yet." Kirsten replied. "I'll eat later."

"I'll be fine." I told Kirsten, scooping up a little more spaghetti. "Go eat."

"Are you sure?" Kirsten asked, her eyes flickering up to the practically empty saline bag.

"Kirsten, your hovering is kind of getting on my nerves." I admitted around my mouthful of food. "Just go eat. You're missing out."

Kirsten gave me an amused smile.

"All right." Kirsten said, getting up from the bed. "I'll be back in a little while. I wanted to talk to everyone about your situation so that they feel more at ease anyways."

I didn't reply or look up from my last bite of food as Kirsten left. I meant what I said before. I was getting tired of being constantly watched by either Kirsten or Dale. Now, the rest of the group knew about me. There was no doubt in my mind that they would soon become involved in my rehabilitation too.

I helped myself to the last bit of spaghetti. I knew that I sounded like a brat, complaining about people actually giving a shit about me, but I couldn't help how I felt. At least I was making an effort not to be so vocal about it.

0o0o0

"Criminals and aliens…"

I opened my eyes and realized that I was no longer in the RV. I looked around, trying to figure out where I could be. The walls around me were metallic in color. I reached out to touch the walls. They felt cool under my fingertips. I looked up from my hand to see that there was a set of bars just a few feet away from where I was seated. The barred door was slightly ajar, allowing me access to the rest of the space. I got out of bed and went to the bars. I couldn't see anyone on the other side, so I opened the door of the rest of the way to leave. I could see a row of TV monitors at the end of the hall. I approached them. As I got closer, I noticed that the image being captured on the monitors was mine. There was a different angle being represented on each screen. I realized that I was being watched. I was a prisoner.

"Criminals and aliens…" The mechanized voice that had woken me spoke again. "That is who we detain here – criminals and aliens…"

"I'm not a criminal." I replied, looking up at the ceiling. "I'm not an alien."

"You are _not _an alien, but you _are_ a criminal." The voice said in the same monotone voice.

"I've been charged with drunk and disorderly twice." I snapped, becoming angry. "That hardly makes me a criminal."

The robotic voice started laughing. The sound grew louder.

"I'm not a criminal!" I shouted.

I balled up my fist and put it through the TV screen directly in front of me.

"Security breached." The mechanical voice suddenly stopped laughing. "Security breached."

I looked to the exit, but before I could hurry through it, there were two hooded figures coming towards me. They were dark. I couldn't see their faces beneath their hoods. I didn't need to. They were my captors.

With a scream, I launched myself at the hooded figures in the hopes that I would startle them and be able to make it past them. I felt one of them grab my shirt, but I ripped myself away. I could hear the sleeve being torn as I bolted from my prison. I was running, but I didn't know where I was going. The world around me was unfamiliar and growing increasingly more terrifying as I ran. The sky grew darker. A deafening wind picked up out of nowhere. The trees started swinging violently back and forth. There were fires springing up from the ground in all directions. I didn't understand what was happening.

Suddenly, I saw something in the distance. I ran towards it, straining my eyes to see what it was. As I got closer, I realized it had two massive, white wings on its back. It was an angel. I wanted to cry I was so relieved. I immediately threw myself at the angel as it turned, sensing my presence. I went to wrap my arms around the angel's neck, but it grabbed my wrists in rough hands.

"Get the fuck off me." A gruff voice said just as I was shoved to the ground.

I looked up at the angel from the ground. It stood over me, judging me. The angel didn't want me. It didn't even want to be touched by me. The voice from before was right. I was a criminal. I was a terrible person. That was why the angel threw me to the ground. He knew what a bad person I was.

"What's she on?" I heard a second voice ask.

"Beats me." The angel huffed.

I got up when I heard a commotion in the distance. The jailers were after me. I wasn't going to let them catch me. I started running again. It got colder as I ran. The wind had obviously picked up again. The strong gusts were slowing me down. I flailed my arms, trying to pick up speed. Something was happening to me. I couldn't run. I couldn't breathe. I was stuck.

I felt a hand on the back of my shirt. That snapped me back into reality so fast that I had whiplash. I was in water, deep water. I allowed the hand gripping my shirt to pull me up above the surface. I took a deep breath and realized I had been submerged for a while. Whoever had grabbed me was now dragging me into shallower water. I heard muttering behind me. It was the gruff voice from before. It was the angel.

I turned around to see the angel pulling me to shore. I reached out for him, even though he had pushed me to the ground the last time I had touched him. The angel turned his head to look at me. He looked annoyed, but as I hesitantly reached for him, part of his face relaxed. He swiftly, but roughly, wrapped my arms around his neck. When my arms were secure, he swung me through the water and around to his front so that he could carry me the rest of the way. I looked to the shore. There were several people gathered there. I closed my eyes and sighed.

"Bring her here, Daryl!" A man's voice called.

I recognized the man's voice, but I was too tired to place it.

"Where'd you think I was goin' with her?" The angel snorted.

"Layla!" A woman's voice cried.

"Kirsten…" I muttered her name before I even realized I recognized her voice.

The angel and I finally reached the shore.

"Give her to me, Daryl." The man who had called out before said.

I realized that they were trying to take me away from my angel. I leaned my head against his shoulder and tightened my grip around his neck. I could feel the angel shaking with quiet laughter.

"Daryl, I'll take it from here." The man said more forcefully.

"I could use a little help here, Walsh." The angel snapped, trying to pry me away from his body. "The girl's got a death grip on me."

"Come on, Layla." Kirsten murmured close by. "Let's get back to the RV, sweetie."

"What the fuck's her problem anyways?" The angel asked as a pair of hands started to pull me away from him. "She just came runnin' at us out of nowhere like a wild woman…"

"Whatever her problem is, I want what she's takin'." The second gruff voice laughed.

The hands pulling me away from my angel were succeeding in their mission. In one last effort to remain in the angel's arms, I swung my arms out towards him. My fingers caught his shirt.

"Angel…" I whispered, tightening my grip on the angel's shirt.

"Angel?" I heard a familiar voice ask. "Who is she talking about?"

"Layla is having a hallucination right now." Kirsten explained from very close by. "She must have seen the wings on Daryl's shirt-"

"Darylina, are you blushin'?" The second gruff voice was full of laughter.

I felt a rough hand prying my fingers from the angel's shirt.

"Just get her off me." The angel muttered.

I heard Kirsten say I was having a hallucination. Her words clicked with me. I knew everything around me was being imagined in my sick head, but I couldn't help but get caught up in how real it seemed. Daryl, who I thought was an angel, wasn't, but he had saved me from the water. That made him an angel to me. At the same time, his persistence in wanting me away from him was beginning to drag me back into reality. I let go of his shirt.

"That's a good girl." Shane murmured, taking me out of Daryl's arms.

"I'm sorry if she scared you." Kirsten apologized to Daryl and who I guessed was Merle. "Layla is going through withdrawal from alcohol right now. Hallucinations can occur during recovery."

"You mean she ain't on nothin'?" Merle asked.

"I'm going to administer a sedative once we get her back to the RV." Kirsten replied. "I assure you that this won't happen again."

"Whatever." Daryl grumbled.

"Shit." Merle laughed. "She picked a hell of a time to give up drinkin'."

"That's enough." Shane said, shifting me in his arms. "Let's get Layla back to the RV."

Shane started heading back to camp with me in his arms. As he walked, I lifted my head to look over his shoulder. The strange world I had seen before was melting away. The angel I had run to was becoming a man in front of my eyes. His feathers were falling to the ground at his feet. When our eyes met, he jerked his head in the opposite direction. His brother blew me a kiss.

I laid my head back down on Shane's shoulder.

"We're almost there." Shane told me softly.

I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep as Shane carried me back to the RV.

0o0o0

"…People moved slowly then. They ambled across the square, shuffled in and out of the stores around it, took their time about everything…"

When I opened my eyes, I saw Dale sitting next to the bed. He was reading from a worn out looking book. The moment I opened my eyes, he seemed to sense that I was awake. He looked up from the book with a smile.

"How are you feeling?" Dale asked. "I hope I didn't wake you."

"Kirsten gave me a sedative." I mumbled, stretching my arms. "There's no way you could have woken me up."

"Are you feeling all right?"

I ignored his question as I sat up against the pillows.

"That book looks as old as you." I said instead, nodding at the book in his hands. "What is it?"

"It's _To Kill A Mockingbird_." Dale replied with an amused smile. "It's one of my favorites."

"I can see that." I raised both eyebrows. "How can you read the same book over and over again?"

"Don't you have any favorites?" Dale asked, folding the corner of the page he was on.

I shook my head.

"I hate reading." I snorted, running a hand through my unkempt, oily hair.

"Why is that?" Dale asked, setting the book down so that he could lean forward to listen.

I shrugged my shoulders.

"What's there to like about it?" I asked. "You can watch TV or see a movie. It's the same thing…just without the reading part."

Dale chuckled.

"If you say so, Layla."

I looked at the book, then back at Dale. I wondered how long he had been sitting with me, how long he had been reading aloud at my bedside. I figured he had probably been present during my psychotic behavior. Still, he seemed genuinely concerned for my well-being, enough so that he was spending his time with me.

"Why do you like reading?" I asked, turning over onto my side to face Dale.

"Where should I begin?" Dale asked with a smile. "Reading has always brought me joy. I love getting lost in the pages of a great book. There have been times when I started reading, lost track of time, and before I knew it, I had spent an entire day reading."

"Somehow I'm not surprised." I replied, lifting one side of my mouth.

I turned my head to look up at the window.

"Where's Kirsten?" I asked.

"She went down to the quarry with Carol and Lori to do laundry." Dale said, audibly shifting in his chair. "Did you want me to go and get her for you?"

"No." I shook my head, looking back at Dale. "So, how freaked out was everyone last night?"

"Well, they were understandably confused and concerned-"

"Cut the crap, Dale, and just tell me what happened." I interrupted with an annoyed sigh.

"Kirsten left you for a minute to get some dinner for you for when you woke up." Dale explained, folding his arms over his chest. "We heard you screaming, and when we got to the RV, you had punched the windshield."

I looked down at my fist. Sure enough, my knuckles were bruised.

"Kirsten and I tried to calm you down, but you got away from us. Shane came with us to find you. By the time we did, you had run into the water at the quarry." Dale shook his head with a solemn look on his face. "If Daryl hadn't gone in after you, you would have drowned."

"Shit." I mumbled, sinking down into the pillows. "Everybody is probably afraid of me."

"Kirsten explained what happened to you to the rest of the group." Dale reassured me. "Lori and Carol were mostly worried that their kids would be scared, but everyone is okay."

"Terrific." I rolled my eyes.

"Well, would you like something to eat?" Dale asked, changing the subject. "There isn't much left, but I'm sure I could get you a little something."

"I'm fine." I sighed, rolling away from Dale.

"All right." Dale replied. "I'll be here if you need something."

I wanted to snap at him, to tell him I just wanted to be alone. I resisted the urge to be grouchy by clenching my jaw as tightly as possible. I squeezed my eyes shut, willing myself to go back to sleep. As time passed, my face relaxed. I allowed myself to drift off to sleep.

0o0o0

I woke with a start to a sound coming from my left. It was pitch dark in the RV. I looked to the left to find the source of the noise. There was a figure huddled over the table. As if sensing that I was awake, the figure whirled around. Before I could scream, a hand clamped down over my mouth. I reacted immediately, baring my teeth like an animal. I bit down on a dirty finger.

"Goddamnit!" A rough and familiar voice hissed quietly.

I squinted to see who the figure was in the shadows. It took me a minute to make him out, but it was definitely Merle. I remembered his face from the night before.

"You got a set of teeth on you, girly." Merle's laugh was raspy.

"What are you doing?" I asked. "Where are Kirsten and Dale?"

"They're sittin' outside with the others." Merle answered.

"What are _you _doing?" I repeated myself, raising my voice slightly.

"What I'm doin' is scorin' me a lil' somethin' somethin'." Merle replied with a toothy grin.

I slid back against the wall and pulled the blankets up around me.

"I didn't mean it that way, sugar." Merle laughed. "Although, if you're ever lookin' for a good time, you can come knockin' on my tent door anytime."

"Why would I knock on a tent door?" I asked smartly, narrowing my eyes. "I guess the real question is, why would I knock on _your_ tent door?"

"You might not wanna burn the bridge with me, darlin'." Merle wagged a finger at me. "I might have somethin' you want."

"What could you possibly have that I would want?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Word is you's an alcoholic." Merle replied, leaning against the table. "I got me some whiskey and a few cans of beer in my tent. Maybe ol' Merle'll share with you."

I imagined the taste of whiskey on my tongue and shivered.

"That's what I thought." Merle chuckled. "So, we got a deal then?"

I swallowed the saliva pooling in my mouth.

"What deal?" I asked.

"You let me have a little somethin' from this bag of tricks and I'll share my stash." Merle held out a hand to me. "Deal?"

I looked down at his hand in the moonlight. It was dirty and calloused.

"Fine." I replied, denying Merle's hand. "Take what you want and get out."

Merle ran his hand over his bald head.

"You sure got a mouth on you."

"Yeah." I snorted. "You already said that."

Merle turned to dig through the bag. I caught sight of the last sedative in the moonlight. I bit my lip to keep from laughing at the thought of Merle shooting himself up with a sedative, thinking it was some drug that was going to get him higher than a kite. I hid my smile as Merle turned his head.

"What's this?"

"Take it." I waved my hand. "It's yours."

"Aren't you generous, sweetheart?" Merle cracked a smile as he pocketed the syringe. "Well, it was a pleasure doing business with you."

"Right." I muttered as Merle climbed onto the table to sneak out the open window.

"Don't forget, darlin', I'm just down at the quarry." Merle said, looking back at me.

I watched as Merle blew me a kiss before he slithered out the way he had come in.


	4. Silently Fighting

**Silently Fighting**

I woke up to the sound of shouting outside of the RV. I shot up and out of bed when I didn't see Kirsten or Dale at my bedside. Before I even considered the fact that I would be facing the others after my stunt the other night, I climbed down the RV steps. The sun was bright. I shielded my eyes as I surveyed the scene in front of me. Shane and Lori were holding Daryl back from Kirsten and Dale, who had a hand on Kirsten's arm. I didn't know the circumstances of the fight, but I didn't have to. I immediately went to Kirsten's side as Daryl continued trying to get at her. Without a second thought, I reached out and smacked Daryl across the face.

"Layla." Kirsten scolded me quietly as she tugged on my wrist to pull me back to her.

"What the _fuck_ was that for?!" Daryl shouted, turning his head to glare at me instead of Kirsten.

"Get away from her." I growled, ripping my wrist from Kirsten's hold.

"You don't know what the fuck's even goin' on, Lindsay Lohan!"

"Daryl, that was uncalled for." Dale spoke up to defend me against Daryl's insult.

"You need to calm down right now." Shane told Daryl, keeping his hold on him.

"I want to know why the fuck my brother's out cold!" Daryl yelled, throwing Shane and Lori off of him simultaneously.

Lori stepped back from Daryl, but Shane remained where he was.

"You said there was a syringe in the tent?" Kirsten asked calmly, holding up her hand in peace. "Are you sure your brother didn't have it with him before?"

"Man, I already said he didn't." Daryl snapped angrily. "Ain't you been listenin'? He got it from somewhere else, and I got a pretty good idea of where."

Daryl narrowed his eyes in my direction.

"I hope you aren't accusing Layla." Dale scoffed, moving his hand from Kirsten's arm to mine. "She hasn't left the RV for the five days we've been here, until just now."

"Are you so ancient you forgot the other night?" Daryl spat, pointing over his shoulder with his thumb. "Remember when that-"

"Watch it." Shane interrupted. "I won't have you or your brother being disrespectful to any of the women in this camp. You hear me?"

"Layla was having hallucinations that evening." Kirsten cut in before Daryl could get into it with Shane. "That is the only time she has been off the RV, and I hardly think she would have had the time or the frame of mind to give a syringe to your brother."

"You know that for a fact?" Daryl grunted skeptically.

"I'm standing right here, asshole." I crossed my arms over my chest. "If you have something to say, you can say it to me."

"Really?" Daryl raised an eyebrow. "'Cause it seems like your mommy and grandpappy do your talkin' for you."

"That's enough!" Shane shouted suddenly, getting in between Daryl, Dale, Kirsten, and I.

"Shane is right." Dale agreed. "This isn't solving anything."

"I can clear this up right now if you all would listen to me for a goddamn minute." I snapped, looking around at all of the faces watching me.

"Go on, Layla." Kirsten told me softly, placing a hand on my shoulder.

I set my sights on Daryl as he continued to scowl at me.

"Your brother broke into the RV last night." I said smartly, giving him a mean look of my own. "He was looking for drugs. He took the last sedative Kirsten had."

"What?" Shane asked, visibly becoming even angrier.

"You knew he was takin' a sedative and you just let him take it?!" Daryl yelled, taking a step forward.

"You go no further." Shane set his hand on Daryl's chest to stop him.

"I hardly think that's the issue here." Dale said, waving his hand.

"On the contrary," Kirsten turned towards me with a disapproving look, "I think it is."

I stared at Kirsten, waiting for her to continue. Everyone else remained silent.

"Layla, I expected better from you." Kirsten told me softly, but sternly. "You know how powerful those sedatives are, but more importantly, you know that anyone under sedation needs to be monitored closely."

"What're we still standin' around for then?" Daryl snarled out of frustration. "Are you gonna come check on my brother or not?"

"Just let me grab my bag." Kirsten replied, turning her head to look at Daryl. "I'll be down to the quarry as soon as I have my things."

Daryl cast one more glare at me before he turned and stomped off in the direction of the quarry.

"Kirsten, I'd like to come with you to the quarry." Shane piped up, his hands on his hips. "After his outburst, I don't feel comfortable with anyone being alone with Daryl right now."

"Okay." Kirsten nodded. "I'll be right back with my bag."

Kirsten reached out to grab my hand, but I pulled it away from her.

"Just go." I muttered, looking down at the ground.

"Layla-"

"I'll stay with her." Dale interrupted Kirsten before she could make amends with me.

I didn't look up from the ground until I heard Kirsten walk away in the direction of the RV. I felt Dale's hand between my shoulders. Getting up out of bed so fast and getting worked up about Daryl had tired me out, otherwise I might have resisted Dale's comfort.

"Don't worry, Layla." Shane spoke up suddenly. "Once Merle is awake, I'm going to give him hell for breaking into the RV and taking that last sedative. That wasn't right."

"Whatever." I mumbled, keeping my eyes on the dirt. "I don't even care."

"Come on, Layla." Dale said quietly. "Let's get you back to bed."

I looked up from the ground to see Lori standing with a shorn haired woman just a few feet away. They were watching me carefully, as if they were expecting me to suddenly spiral into a hallucinogenic episode like the other night. Though they saw me staring at them, neither of them averted their eyes.

"What are you looking at?" I asked harshly, keeping eye contact.

"Layla, let's go." Dale urged me, his hand gently guiding me towards the RV.

I allowed Dale to escort me to the RV, refusing to look at Kirsten when she passed us by.

"Why don't you lay down and I'll get you some water?" Dale suggested when we were on the RV.

I didn't answer. Instead, I headed to the back and crawled into bed. I curled up underneath the blankets and shoved my head under the pillows.

"Layla, are you under there?" I heard Dale chuckle when he joined me in the back.

"No." I replied, my voice muffled by the pillows.

"Well, will you let her know that there's water here for her?" Dale sounded very amused.

"She doesn't care." I turned my head under the pillows.

I heard Dale sigh, then the sound of the chair creaking from when he sat down.

"Listen, I'm sure Kirsten didn't mean-"

I suddenly burst out from my cocoon.

"She didn't mean to what?" I asked angrily. "Kirsten didn't mean to what?"

Dale was unfazed by my anger.

"I could tell that Kirsten felt bad about upsetting you." Dale replied calmly. "I'm sure she'll apologize when she gets back from the quarry."

"I don't give a shit if Kirsten feels bad and I sure don't care if she apologizes to me." I snapped before burrowing back under the pillows.

"You're kidding yourself, Layla."

I peeked out from under the pillows to shoot a nasty look at Dale. He smiled and shook his head.

"Have you always been a pistol?"

"Whatever that means." I snorted, pushing myself up on an elbow.

"A fireball? A hellion? A spitfire?" Dale asked, leaning back in his chair.

"Spitfire?" I asked, raising an eyebrow in amusement. "You just dated yourself, old man."

Dale laughed.

"I'm guessing that the answer is yes."

"I've caused my share of mischief." I shrugged my shoulders. "Who hasn't?"

"I think you're capable of being soft and sensitive." Dale said suddenly.

"Right." I rolled my eyes. "I'm total nougat deep down."

"It was pretty clear that the thought of Lori and Carol passing judgment towards you was a bother." Dale pointed out.

I scowled when I remembered the looks on their faces.

"I didn't like them staring at me." I grumbled.

"I wouldn't worry if I was you." Dale reassured me. "I firmly believe that every person you meet is silently fighting a battle that the rest of the world knows nothing about."

I looked up at Dale. It was a surprise to me that during a time like this, it was a stranger who was providing me with comfort and not Kirsten. Though the constant cheerfulness and overly positive outlook could get under my skin, it was times like that that it was nice.

"Why don't you read some more of that book?" I suggested, laying my head down.

"You mean _To Kill A Mockingbird_?" Dale asked, motioning to the tattered book.

"Is there some other book you've been reading to me while under sedatives?" I asked.

Dale chuckled as he reached for the book.

"Now, where were we?" Dale flipped through the pages. "A day was twenty-four hours but seemed longer. There was no hurry, for there was nowhere to go, nothing to buy and no money to buy it with…"

0o0o0

When I heard a sound next to the bed, I realized that I had dozed off at some point while Dale had been reading. The last thing I remembered from the story was Scout getting into a fight in the schoolyard with some kid whose name I couldn't think of. I opened my eyes to see Kirsten setting down my Frisbee plate beside the bed. There were wild blueberries rolling all over the rubber disc. A small pile of meat sat in the center.

"What's that?" I asked, getting Kirsten's attention.

"Shane caught a rabbit." Kirsten replied, holding the Frisbee out to me since I was awake.

I took the Frisbee.

"A rabbit?" I asked, wrinkling my nose up at the meat.

"It was actually a group effort, really." Kirsten said with a laugh. "Shane was out in the woods trying to catch something for dinner. I guess he spooked a rabbit. He suddenly came running into camp after it, yelling for everyone to grab it."

Kirsten settled into the chair, still laughing quietly.

"Ed tried to dive on top of it, but he missed it by a mile."

I picked up a blueberry and tossed it into my mouth.

"Anyways, Shane ended up grabbing it after Lori cornered it when it scampered into hers and Carl's tent." Kirsten smiled. "Thus, we have dinner."

I crunched on the blueberries while Kirsten sat silently in the corner.

"Layla, I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings or embarrassed you before." Kirsten finally said, meeting my eyes when I looked over at her. "I shouldn't have scolded you in front of everyone else."

I looked back down at my dinner.

"Merle is okay, in case you were wondering." Kirsten moved on when I didn't acknowledge her apology. "I've been with him all day, keeping an eye on his vitals. He finally woke up about a half hour ago."

"Serves him right." I muttered, chewing on a piece of rabbit meat.

"On one hand, you're absolutely right." Kirsten replied with a small sigh. "On the other hand, what I said outside is true."

"Didn't you just apologize for that?" I asked slowly.

"No." Kirsten shook her head once. "I apologized for saying what I said in front of the others. I still stand by what I said."

I glared down at the few blueberries remaining.

"You know what it's like to be desperate for a drink." Kirsten went on quietly. "If someone had taken advantage of you in a situation like that, say…if they had allowed you to take the rubbing alcohol knowing that it would make you sick or even kill you…that person would have been very sorry."

I quickly lifted my eyes to look at Kirsten. That was the first time I had ever heard her threaten someone before. By the look on her face, she didn't regret her choice of words. She meant what she had said. I always knew Kirsten would take care of me, but it was in that moment that I realized she would do whatever was necessary to protect me, even if that meant breaking away from her peaceful nature.

I silently forgave Kirsten as I finished off the last of my dinner.

0o0o0

"Just take it slow, Layla." Kirsten told me as I started for the front of the RV.

"I'm not going to fall over." I mumbled, pulling my oily hair up into a bun.

According to Kirsten, I was through withdrawal. She said it was okay for me to slowly get back to life as usual. I tried to tell her that living with a bunch of strangers in tents wasn't life as usual, but Kirsten insisted that were we all in a building, it would be almost like rehab. What she failed to realize was that I was the only alcoholic in the bunch. The others weren't addicts like me.

I headed down the steps of the RV with Kirsten close behind. She was carrying a bucket containing hygiene products and the washcloth she had been using to give me sponge baths. We were going down to the quarry so that I could finally wash my hair.

"Good morning, Kirsten." Dale greeted me with a smile.

"Hey." I gave him a nod.

"It's good to see you up and around." Dale's smile was so genuine that it almost caused me to smile in return, but I didn't. "Are you going to the quarry?"

"I'm pretty overdue for a wash, wouldn't you say?" I ran a hand over my hair.

"You look just fine." Dale lied sweetly.

"We'll be back in a little while." Kirsten told Dale. "Let Shane know that I'm still planning on going out with the others."

"I will." Dale replied.

"Out?" I asked as Kirsten and I started in the direction of the quarry.

"Shane, Morales, Daryl, and I are going out to scavenge for whatever we can find."

"Where?" I asked, looking over at Kirsten as we walked.

"The city."

"What?" I asked, stopping in my tracks. "The city? You're going into the city that was full of explosions and chaos days ago?"

"We don't have a choice, Layla." Kirsten replied calmly. "We have no food on hand. Everything we eat we have to find in the woods or kill."

"Why do you have to go?" I asked.

"Why not me?" Kirsten asked with a smile. "Don't you think I can take care of myself?"

"You're not going into the city for a fucking beer, Kirsten." I snapped angrily.

Kirsten reached out for my wrists.

"I know, Layla." Kirsten assured me gently. "I'm not trying to trivialize the situation. I know that it's going to be dangerous, but I don't want you to worry. I'm going to be fine."

"You don't know that." I argued. "There's no way you can know that."

"Layla, I'm capable and smart." Kirsten said confidently. "I'm always going to be provided a weapon. The others going with me will have weapons, too. We'll look out for each other."

I looked at Kirsten. I had no doubt that she was capable or smart. I knew she was. That didn't mean that she would make it to the city and back, though. She had no idea what would be out there.

"Fine." I pulled my wrists out of Kirsten's hands. "Let's go."

We walked the rest of the way to the quarry in silence. When we got there, I saw Merle's and Daryl's tents set up off the water. Merle was nowhere to be seen, but Daryl was sitting outside of what I guessed was his tent. He had a crossbow in his lap. It looked like he was fixing it or cleaning it. I wasn't sure which. I didn't know anything about hunting.

"Good morning, Daryl." Kirsten said as we entered the quarry.

Daryl looked up from his crossbow. When he saw me at Kirsten's side, his face hardened. He looked back down at his crossbow. He was still mad at me for letting his brother take the sedative.

"Where's your brother?" Kirsten asked, walking over towards the tents. "Is he sleeping?"

"No." Daryl mumbled without looking up.

"Listen, I know this is your camp and you're obviously busy, but I was wondering if there was any way you could give Layla a few minutes in the water."

"The water ain't mine." Daryl scoffed. "She can use it if she wants."

"What I meant was…Layla would like to bathe." Kirsten rephrased.

Daryl stopped what he was doing.

"I don't mean to put you out-"

"I'm gettin' up." Daryl grumbled, hoisting the crossbow onto his shoulder as he stood. "I was gonna go find Merle anyways."

"Thank you, Daryl." Kirsten watched him walk away with a smile. "I appreciate it."

Daryl walked past me on his way out of the quarry. Our eyes met.

"Ain't you gonna say thanks?" Daryl sneered.

I held up my middle finger in reply.

"Layla, that's unnecessary." Kirsten scolded me from behind. "Come on."

I only lowered my finger after Daryl had disappeared from sight. When I turned around, Kirsten had her hands on her hips and both eyebrows were raised.

"I'm coming." I waved a hand at her as I went down to the water.

Kirsten sat close to Merle's and Daryl's camp while I bathed. Dale had a crappy little disposable razor for me to use, which I quickly ran over my legs, downstairs, and under my arms. I could feel the dull blade creating cuts all over my skin, but the stubble was gone. I used Dale's Old Spice multi-purpose soap in my hair and all over my body. I felt clean.

When I was finished, I got dressed in the same clothes I had been wearing since that day on the road. Kirsten had been washing them frequently, leaving me to sleep naked most of the time.

"Do you feel better?" Kirsten asked as we walked back to camp.

"Yeah." I nodded, running a hand through my damp hair.

"Good." Kirsten smiled.

By the time we got back to camp, Shane was gathering everyone together. He gave me a smile and a nod when our eyes met. I tried to focus on only his, Dale's, and Kirsten's faces as she and I joined the circle. I didn't need to see the others staring at me.

"Morales, Daryl, Kirsten, and I are headed into the city." Shane said loud enough for all of us to hear. "We're going to look for food, clothes, and other supplies we need. Like I said last night, there's no telling how long it's going to take us, but I promise that we will be back before tomorrow night, even if that means coming back empty handed."

I looked up at Kirsten, who was listening to what Shane had to say.

"Guys, we should probably get going." Shane said. "The sooner we leave, the sooner we can get back to camp."

Before I could look back at Kirsten, she was suddenly pulling me into a hug. My head ended up against her shoulder. I could smell her perfume. She had been without it for days and days, but she still managed to smell like lavender and vanilla. I rolled my eyes. Leave it to Kirsten.

"I'll be back before you know it." Kirsten promised quietly. "In the meantime, Dale will be here to look out for you. He already told me that if you need anything, you know you can count on him."

I felt Kirsten's blonde hair tickling my skin as she hugged me.

"The others around camp are good people." Kirsten murmured against my head. "You should give them a chance. They just might surprise you."

I lifted my hand to rest against Kirsten's elbow. It was all I could manage. She knew.

"Well, I have to get going." Kirsten sighed, ending our hug.

There was a wet spot on Kirsten's blouse where my hair had been pressed. She didn't seem to notice or care. She touched my cheek for a moment and gave me a soft smile.

"You'll be okay."

"Yeah." I swallowed with a nod.

I knew I should have said something more. The right thing to do would have been to tell Kirsten to be safe, to let her know that she meant something to me. Instead, I tried to swallow the lump forming in my throat as Kirsten joined Daryl where he stood away from the group.

Shane was saying goodbye to Lori and Carl when our eyes met. He raised an eyebrow, questioning my gaze. I quickly flickered my eyes in Kirsten's direction. The inquisitive eyebrow lowered. Shane set his jaw and gave me a nod. That was all the exchange that needed to occur between us.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned to see Dale standing at my side.

"You want to do some more reading, kid?" Dale asked, giving my shoulder a rub.

"Later." I mumbled, watching as the party going into the city started off on their journey. "Right now I just want to be alone."

"Okay." Dale let go of me. "Don't wander too far, all right? You don't want to wear yourself out on your first day up and around."

I headed off on my own without any particular destination in mind. I rubbed the back of my neck as I walked. My hair was already nearly dry from the heat. As I walked, I pulled it back into a ponytail at the base of my neck.

The only place I knew of in the area was the quarry. That was the reason I told myself I was going there, but in reality, Merle's promise was ringing in my ears. The lump in my throat was making it difficult to swallow, and the thought of whiskey on my tongue was making me salivate. I tried not to drool as I made my way down to the quarry. Merle was sitting outside of his tent. He was picking his teeth with a pocket knife when I approached.

"Hey there, darlin'." Merle greeted me with a smile as he continued to pick his teeth. "To what do I owe the pleasure of your company?"

"You promised me a drink." I muttered, looking out over the water.

Merle laughed. I looked down at him to see what was so funny. He was shaking his head as he used his pocket knife to dig under his fingernails.

"That shit you let me take didn't exactly get me high."

"You didn't ask for something to get you high." I replied as-a-matter-of-factly. "You asked for something out of the bag. That's what you got."

Merle stopped what he was doing, giving me a more serious expression.

"No high, no deal." Merle said, returning to his nails.

I stood there for a minute watching, but I knew the son of a bitch wasn't going to change his mind. I should have figured from the beginning he wouldn't keep his word.

"Thanks for nothing, asshole." I mumbled, turning to walk back to camp.

"There is something you can do for me." Merle said suddenly.

I turned to look back at him.

"What?" I asked warily.

Merle cracked a smile and patted his crotch.

"Come over here and sit on ol' Merle's lap and he'll tell you."

"I'm not going to fuck you." I snapped immediately, glaring at Merle as he continued to grin.

I closed my eyes and tried to keep my cool.

"I…I'm not like that anymore." I murmured, opening my eyes.

"You ain't?" Merle asked, raising an eyebrow. "Seems to me like you is."

"What do you know about me?" I asked, folding my arms over my chest.

"I bet you're willin' to do anything for a drink." Merle replied, putting his knife away. "You ain't gotta fuck me, sweetheart. Just suck me off, darlin', and you can have your drink."

I was disgusted with myself for taking a moment to consider it. Kirsten would have been disappointed had she known I was even entertaining the idea of drinking. Dale certainly would have had something to say about me trading sexual favors for a beer or two. Kirsten was away and Dale was at camp. They weren't by my side to keep me from doing what the old me wanted to do.

Before I could talk myself into doing it, I was heading back to camp.

"You come back if you change your mind, honey!" Merle called after me. "I'll be right here waitin'!"


	5. Suffering

**Suffering**

"How are you doing, kid?"

I looked up to see Dale standing next to the steps. I turned my head back to the window. It was dark outside. Kirsten and the others had been gone all day.

Dale suddenly sat down across from me at the little table.

"Why don't you come outside?" Dale suggested. "We have dinner all ready."

"I'm not hungry." I mumbled, watching more and more stars appear in the night sky.

"Then why don't you at least come sit with us?" Dale asked, reaching across the table towards me.

I pulled my hands back before Dale could touch them.

"Layla, I know you're worried about Kirsten." Dale said, cutting to the chase after he had failed to persuade me to come outside. "We're all worried about her and the others, but sitting alone thinking about it isn't going to help the situation. You're only going to make yourself feel worse."

I didn't want to admit it, but the old man was right. Before, in times of stress, I would turn to Jack or Jameson. My skin was crawling without a hard drink to get me through the night. If I continued to sit and think about Kirsten, I would end up at the quarry with Merle's dick in my mouth.

"The others better not stare at me." I muttered as I stood up.

"I think they would rather get to know you now that you're up and around." Dale replied with a smile.

I followed Dale off of the RV. The others were gathered in a circle around a very small fire. Lori was sitting with Morales' wife. I couldn't remember her name. Their kids were together, laughing about something one of them must have said. Merle was nowhere to be seen, though I wasn't surprised. However, I didn't see Ed or Carol or their daughter. I wondered where they were as I sat down by Dale around the fire.

"You let me know if you get hungry." Dale said, picking up his makeshift plate – a hubcap.

I stared at the fire even though it started to hurt my eyes after a while.

"Aren't you hungry, Layla?" Lori finally broke the silence.

"No." I replied, keeping my eyes on the fire.

"There's meat here for you."

"I said…" I started with an annoyed tone, but lowered my voice as I looked up from the flames. "I'm fine."

"Okay." Lori said with a nod.

Lori went back to eating. I looked at the kids. Carl was looking at me.

"What?" I asked.

"Carl, honey, eat your dinner." Lori intervened before her son could answer.

"Mom, I was just going to ask her if she was okay." Carl insisted, looking at Lori quickly before returning his eyes to mine. "Are you? Are you feeling better?"

"Yeah." I said, pulling my ponytail to the front.

"That's good." Carl replied, nodding his head. "Maybe you can hang out with us now."

"Hang out?" I asked, looking at the two other kids. "What do you guys do?"

"We mostly just hang out around camp." Carl said, picking through the food on his plate. "Shane said once he got back he would teach us how to catch frogs at the quarry."

I looked at Lori, who was watching me. She wanted me to be nice to her kid. She figured that I was bad news. She wasn't wrong, but I also wasn't going to be mean to her son for no reason. Especially since other than Dale, he was the only one at the fire who seemed genuinely unfazed by my previous behavior.

"That's cool." I said, picking up a twig from the ground.

"Yeah, but I don't think I'll eat the frogs." Carl scrunched up his nose in disgust.

"I don't think I'll eat the frogs either." I agreed, throwing the twig into the fire.

"They're slimy and gross." The Morales girl suddenly spoke up and then stuck her tongue out.

"Agreed." I replied with a nod.

"Well, I don't think we'll have to resort to eating frogs." Morales' wife told the kids with a smile. "Your dad, Shane, and the others will be back soon with food."

I stared back down at the fire. Even sitting outside in the company of strangers, I couldn't get away from Kirsten. Since that was the case, I would rather have been alone. So, I got up from the fire and headed back to the RV.

"Was it something I said?" I heard Morales' wife ask.

I didn't linger long enough to hear the rest of the conversation.

0o0o0

I laid in the bed staring up at the ceiling trying to think of anything else other than Kirsten, the mysterious disease that had caused all of this chaos, and alcohol. It was hard. Before ending up in the RV with all of the strangers Kirsten and I had encountered on the road, my life had been one big party. I drank a beer every morning when I woke up, sometimes a second one in the shower. I tried to get through work at the Piggly Wiggly by going down the street to the gas station for a forty on my break. I would shotgun it in the parking lot before heading back to the store to finish out my shift. Then, I would go out with my friends to the bars or to a house party. If I met a guy who looked good to me, or if he bought me several drinks, or if he had a stash of liquor at his place, I would fuck him. The next morning, I would wake up and do it all over again. My life was great.

Then, the accident happened. Scarlett, one of my best friends, was driving home from a party when she wrapped her car around a tree. She was killed on impact. She had been wasted. We had been at the same party. In fact, I was still at that party when my phone went off. It was Scarlett's sister calling from the hospital. I didn't answer the phone. I was up against a wall with some guy whose name I can't even remember. It wasn't until the next morning that I got the voicemail.

Scarlett's death scared me. Since I had started drinking when I was fifteen, I had gotten into dozens of cars with drivers who were drunk. I drove drunk every day of my life. I had never been into an accident. I had never known anyone who had been killed in an accident. Scarlett had been one of my best friends since high school. If she could be killed while driving drunk, that meant I could too. It was her death that scared me into my first stint of trying to get sober.

I turned over on my side and closed my eyes, trying to will sleep to come.

At the first sign of withdrawal symptoms, I was out of rehab. There was something that was even more frightening to me than the possibility of killing myself behind the wheel of a car – suffering without alcohol.

"Layla?"

I turned my head to see Dale. Relief washed over me.

"Read." I commanded, turning over to face Dale as he slowly sat down in the chair. "I want to find out how pissed Atticus gets at Scout for kicking that kid's ass."

"Walter?" Dale asked with a laugh.

"Sure." I waved my hand. "Just read."

Dale picked up the book, but he was studying my face.

"Are you okay?" Dale asked.

"Do I look like I'm okay?" I snapped, throwing my arms out.

"No." Dale replied calmly.

I laid back against the pillows with a sigh.

"Just read the damn book." I murmured, running a hand through my hair.

"You got it, kid." Dale leaned back in his chair as he opened the tattered book.

0o0o0

Sleep didn't come as Dale read. He got through five chapters and I still wasn't asleep. All I could think of was Kirsten. I wondered where she was and if she was all right. She shouldn't have gone. She should have stayed behind. She wasn't a fighter. She was a healer.

My tongue felt like dead weight in my mouth. I had to keep swallowing to keep my mouth from filling up with saliva. I needed a drink. I couldn't do it. I couldn't get through the night and the next day without alcohol to silence my worries. So, as Dale started a sixth chapter, I closed my eyes and pretended to fall asleep. After he was a few pages in, his voice died down. He stayed seated next to me for a few minutes.

"Everything is going to be okay." Dale murmured quietly.

I felt Dale's hand on my head. He smoothed back my hair once.

"Everything is okay."

Dale pulled his hand from my head, then I heard him getting up from the chair. He turned the light off, then headed to the front of the RV. Dale kept watch for several hours during the night, then he would sleep on the couch until it was his turn to take watch again.

I remained still and quiet. I heard Dale climb onto the roof of the RV. As I laid in bed, I thought maybe I could wait for him to get through his watch to sneak off. That thought didn't last long. I couldn't wait. I needed a drink.

I looked to the window Merle had crawled through. That would be my escape. I looked over my shoulder to peek out of the window next to the bed. Everyone had gone to their tents. The fire was out. I took my chance and went to the window. I opened it slowly to ensure that Dale didn't hear it. When the window was open, I poked my head out to make sure Dale wouldn't be able to see me climbing out. He was sitting in the middle of the roof with his back towards me. As long as I didn't make a sound, there wasn't any reason for Dale to turn around. I carefully climbed out of the window, keeping one eye on Dale the whole time. He didn't move.

When I was on the ground, I silently ran for the trees. I stopped long enough to look back once I was hidden. Dale was still keeping watch. Unbeknownst to him, I was no longer inside the RV.

I made my way to the quarry quickly. The last thing I needed was for Dale to have a sudden urge to check on me and for him to find me gone.

Merle was sitting by the fire just outside of his tent when I got to the quarry. When he saw me, he started grinning from ear to ear.

"I knew you'd be back, honey." Merle rasped.

"I want to see it." I said, ignoring his snide smile.

"Ol' Merle hears that a lot, but not so much these days." Merle chuckled as he unzipped his pants.

"No, you fucking idiot." I sighed, folding my arms over my chest. "The whiskey."

"I ain't offerin' the whiskey." Merle replied, leaving his pants unzipped.

"Well, what are you offering?" I asked.

"A beer." Merle said, reaching behind him.

"Two." I argued.

Merle laughed as he produced two cans of Rolling Rock.

"Deal." Merle agreed, setting the cans down by the fire.

I looked down at Merle's boxers peeking through the open zipper in his jeans. I tried not to think about the fact that he probably hadn't changed them since he started camping down by the quarry as I crossed the fire towards him. Merle was already shimmying out of his boxers and jeans as I got down on my knees. He produced his semi hard dick, which was covered in thick, curly hair. I shut my eyes tight as I lowered my head. I grabbed Merle's dick in one hand and slowly took it into my mouth. It smelled like sweat and mold. I tried to breathe as little as possible as I moved my mouth up and down his dick.

"Yeah, baby." Merle groaned.

I suddenly felt Merle's hand on the back of my head. He started shoving my head forward. I went with it, but then I felt Merle's other hand grazing my breast.

I released Merle's dick and jerked backward, smacking his hand.

"Get your goddamn hands off me." I snapped, wiping my mouth. "That wasn't part of the deal."

Merle laughed.

"You're a fucking prick." I muttered, getting to my feet.

"Don't leave like that, darlin'." Merle chuckled, reaching down towards the fire. "Take this for bein' such a good sport."

Merle tossed me one can of beer.

"You can have the other one if you let me cum in that pretty mouth." Merle licked his lips.

"Shut up." I said, holding out my hand to him. "Give me your knife."

"What for?" Merle asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I'm going to cut my wrists right here in front of you." I told him sarcastically. "That's how bad your dick tasted."

Merle laughed as he reached into his pocket for his knife. He set it in my hand.

I held the can of beer horizontally and used the knife to cut a slit at the bottom. I covered the slit with my mouth and held the can vertically. Warm, stale beer flooded into my mouth as I swallowed. I could feel my stomach becoming bubbly as I guzzled the beer. My tongue felt lighter. My head started to swim as though I had never had a drop of alcohol before.

Too soon, the beer was gone. I pulled my lips from the can just in time to let out an impressive burp.

"You sure you ain't a man?" Merle asked.

I chucked the empty can as hard as I could at him. He deflected the can easily with a laugh.

Before he could say anything else to me, I started back towards camp. I was able to slip as easily into the RV as I had been able to slip out. Dale was none the wiser.

I laid down in bed with a warm stomach and a fuzzy head. I closed my eyes and smiled. Sleep would find me much easier with a drink in my system. As I laid there, I felt something between my two front teeth. I picked at my teeth until I had the culprit between my fingertips – a curly pubic hair. I flicked it away with a frown.

0o0o0

When I woke up the next morning, I had a headache. I groaned as I sat up, my hair in utter chaos all over the place. I squinted in the sunlight, my eyes landing on Kirsten's bag. I reached for it without getting off of the bed. I fished out the bottle of Ativan. There were only ten pills left in the bottle. I hoped I wouldn't need them as I took two and swallowed them.

I ran a hand through my crazy hair before I got up. I got dressed in the same clothes I had been wearing – a pair of jeans and my Kid Rock concert tee. I was being generous, describing my top as a T-shirt. It had probably been a regular T-shirt at one point, but the sleeves were torn at the edges, there were circular cutouts going up and down the sides, and the back split open. I had purchased it like that. It had cost me sixty dollars. I was an idiot.

When I was dressed, I got off of the RV to see what was going on outside. I didn't know what else to do with myself.

"Good morning, Layla!"

I looked up to see Dale waving from the roof of the RV.

"Hey." I replied, shielding my eyes from the sun as my head throbbed.

"What are you up to today?" Dale asked, kneeling down close to the edge of the roof.

"I don't know." I shrugged, looking around for a moment. "What's there to do?"

"Well, the ladies are going to do laundry at the quarry in just a little while." Dale pointed off into the distance. "The kids are playing at the edge of the woods."

"Those are great options." I muttered, rolling my eyes.

"There's some blueberries in that bowl by the fire pit if you're hungry." Dale said, ignoring my sarcasm. "I'm going to have to work something out with Merle about dinner-"

"Merle?" I asked.

"Yeah." Dale nodded. "I was going to ask if he would share what he catches in exchange for something."

"Like what?" I asked, remembering the night before.

"I haven't figured that out yet, but I will." Dale gave me a reassuring smile.

"Whatever you say, old man." I shook my head.

I meandered over to the bowl of blueberries. As I was picking some out to snack on, I saw movement out of the corner or my eye. I looked up and saw Lori coming out of her tent. She had an armful of clothes. Our eyes met. I was surprised when she smiled.

"I was just on my way to the RV." Lori walked towards me. "Carol, Miranda, and I were going down to the quarry to wash clothes. Do you want to come with us?"

On one hand, my clothes needed to be washed. On the other hand, did I really want to be alone with three women who were probably silently judging me or wondering when my next psychotic outburst would be? If my only other option was to play house with some little kids…

"Okay." I mumbled, rubbing the back of my neck.

"Great." Lori smiled again. "Would you mind…?"

I reached out to take some of Lori's clothes. I couldn't help but notice that there were several articles of men's clothing in the pile. Kirsten had mentioned that Shane and Lori weren't together, but I was starting to think differently. I didn't really care if Lori and Shane were getting it on. It wasn't any of my business.

"Are you ready, Miranda?" Lori asked, turning her head in the direction of the Morales family tent.

"I'm all set." Miranda replied, carrying her own heap of laundry. "Carol?"

Lori frowned and nodded towards Ed and Carol's tent.

"Do you want me to get her?" I asked, quirking an eyebrow.

"No." Lori murmured, still frowning. "I'll do it."

Lori headed towards the tent while I stood with Miranda. When I looked to her for some sort of explanation, she just shook her head. I wondered if maybe I should have taken my chances and gone to play with the kids after all.

After a few minutes, Carol emerged with laundry.

"I'm sorry for holding you guys up." Carol apologized meekly as she and Lori joined Miranda and I.

"You didn't." Lori insisted.

"Let's get going, girls." Miranda said with a smile. "This laundry won't do itself."

I followed Lori, Miranda, and Carol down to the quarry. I walked awkwardly behind them, carrying part of Lori's pile in my arms. They chattered amongst themselves, laughing occasionally. Lori glanced back at me a few times, as if she was making sure I hadn't made off with her clothes.

When we got to the quarry, I looked around for Merle. He was nowhere to be seen.

"Thanks for carrying that." Lori set down her pile to reach for mine.

"Yeah." I gave her a nod.

"We've just been using what soap we all had on us." Miranda explained, sitting down near the edge of the water. "Feel free to use what we have."

I watched as the ladies all sat down in a row and started washing their clothes. I looked down at myself. All I had to wash was what I was wearing. So, I pulled off my shirt and let it fall to the ground. As I was unzipping my pants, Lori looked back at me.

"Oh…you should have told me you didn't have anything else to wear." Lori gave me a sympathetic look. "I would have given you something to wear."

I just shrugged as I started to pull of my pants. I wasn't shy.

Miranda glanced back at me and then laughed.

"I remember that."

I pulled my hair up into a ponytail.

"Remember what?" I asked, picking up my shirt and jeans.

Miranda looked back at me, eyeing my body with a smile.

"Being in my twenties." Miranda laughed.

I looked down at myself. I was wearing a lacy red bra that I had stolen from a Victoria's Secret, but a pair of silly, cheap panties that I had probably gotten in a three pack from Wal-Mart. I wondered if she was talking about my choice of intimates or my body.

"Stop." Lori shook her head. "You're going to make me very depressed."

I headed to the water and waded in. I was going to wash my bra and underwear while I wore them.

"That's interesting." Lori commented.

I looked back and saw her staring at the tattoo on my lower back. It was the outline of a horse.

"Is it from something?" Miranda asked.

"It's the horse from the Lexington bourbon label." Carol answered softly before I could.

"Oh." Lori nodded as she lowered her eyes.

I waded in only far enough so that I could stand. Miranda sent a small bottle of soap sailing out to me. I used it to scrub my shirt, jeans, bra, and underwear. While I washed my clothes, the ladies talked about the kids. They were concerned that they would fall behind in their schooling. They were trying to come up with ways that they could start giving them lessons.

"Layla, does Dale have any books?" Lori suddenly asked.

"Yeah." I replied, walking up to where the ladies sat so that I could return the soap to Miranda.

"I'm sure Dale would let us borrow books to read to the kids." Miranda said, taking the soap.

"What kinds of books does he have?" Lori asked, wringing out a shirt of Carl's.

"I don't know." I shrugged, thinking about the books lining several shelves on the RV. "He's been reading…"

I turned to walk back to where I had been standing before.

"What?" Lori asked. "He's been reading what?"

"He's been reading…_To Kill A Mockingbird_ to…me…" I mumbled just loud enough to be heard.

I glanced over my shoulder to see Lori smiling at me.

"That's sweet." Lori said softly before she returned to her laundry.

"That would be a great book to read to the kids." Miranda piped up. "Once you two have finished with it, maybe Dale would lend it to us?"

"I guess." I shrugged.

I eventually got out of the water to wring out my shirt and jeans. I laid them out on the rocks to dry in the hot sun. Meanwhile, I laid down beside them to dry out my bra and panties. I closed my eyes against the sun. Laying out in the heat made me think of the week my friends and I had sailed out to Jekyll Island. We spent every day laying out on the beach, passing jugs of vodka lemonade and pitchers of screwdrivers between the four of us. I licked my lips.

"Brushing up on your tan?" Miranda asked, sounding amused.

"I have to dry these out." I replied, tipping my head back to look at the ladies.

"If the others don't come back with clothes, I would be happy to share mine with you." Lori said.

I laid my head back down.

We stayed like that for an hour or so. I nearly drifted off a few times, but the ladies' occasional laughter kept me awake. I didn't mind. Surprisingly, the noise was comforting.

"Ready to go, Layla?" Lori asked when she and the others were finished.

I sat up and looked at my skin. It was pink in several places.

"I'd say you brushed up on your tan, all right." Miranda laughed.

"Yeah." I agreed, getting up off the rocks.

My shirt was dry and my jeans were nearly there.

"Is that Daryl?" Miranda suddenly asked.

I looked up to see Daryl making his way down to the quarry. His head was down, his crossbow up high on his shoulder. He must not have looked up once since having gotten to the quarry, because when he did, he stopped. He stared at me from a distance, but I could tell he was looking at me.

"The others!" Miranda cried, sounding both happy, but also nervous.

"Let's get back to camp." Lori said, already heading up that way.

When the ladies started walking, Daryl started up again.

I should have wanted to get back to camp just as quickly as the others, but I didn't feel that urgency. I slowly bent down to pick up my shirt. I pulled it on over my sunkissed skin, adjusting it carefully over my body. I pulled my hair out of its ponytail, combing through my hair with my fingers.

Daryl made it down to where I stood. He looked like he was headed to his tent, but he suddenly paused. He half turned towards me, but then turned away. I watched him curiously as he repeated the same behavior again. Finally, he turned towards me.

"She's fine." Daryl mumbled, staring down at the ground.

I realized he was talking about Kirsten. Relief washed over me.

I picked up my jeans and shimmied them on. As I was buttoning and zipping them up, I saw Daryl starting for his tent.

"Thanks." I replied.

Daryl paused in the opening of his tent, but didn't turn.

I turned and headed after the ladies.


	6. Two Choices

**Two Choices**

"Do you want to see what I got for you?" Kirsten asked as we sat together just outside the RV.

"Sure." I mumbled, tugging at my damp jeans.

Kirsten reached behind her for the backpack she had taken on the trip. She opened it up and pulled out a blue T-shirt. She held it out to me.

"I hope it fits."

I took the shirt from her. It was plain and simple. It had short sleeves and a V-neck.

"I also got you a new bra and a few pairs of underwear." Kirsten whispered. "I'll leave those in the backpack. I don't want to embarrass you."

"Kirsten…" I muttered, rolling my eyes.

Kirsten reached into the bag.

"Now, you're going to think I'm silly, but I saw this and thought of you."

I leaned my head on my hand as I waited to see what item Kirsten was going to produce from the backpack. She gave me a smile as she pulled out a floral dress. It was somewhere between blue and purple with pink, white, and yellow flowers all over it. There were dozens of buttons running up and down the back. It was a pretty dress.

"Why did that make you think of me?" I scoffed, touching the lightweight fabric.

"Because it's beautiful." Kirsten replied without missing a beat.

I looked up at Kirsten. She was looking right back at me. It was evident in her kind, blue eyes and in the soft tone of her voice that she was being sincere, not that anyone could accuse Kirsten of being disingenuous. In that moment, I felt unworthy of Kirsten's kindness and compassion. I thought back to the night before, to the taste of beer in my mouth, and I felt ashamed. I quickly averted my eyes, but Kirsten tipped my chin up to look at her.

"And so are you." Kirsten murmured, running her thumb over my chin before letting go of me.

I couldn't stand how badly I felt.

"Whatever." I grumbled, ripping my hand away from the dress.

"I want you to wear this when you feel good about yourself again." Kirsten went on, folding the dress up to put back in the bag. "I want you to wear this when you feel as beautiful as I think you are."

I stared down at the ground while Kirsten rummaged through the backpack.

"I also got you this." Kirsten said, holding something out to me.

I looked up, hoping it wasn't another thoughtful find. Kirsten was holding a black and white composition notebook.

"What is it?" I asked.

"It's for you to journal in." Kirsten explained, flipping through the blank pages. "You can write down your thoughts, your feelings…keep track of how many days you've been sober, how many days you've felt the desire to drink-"

"I got it." I interrupted.

Kirsten closed the notebook.

"In recovery, many patients keep journals." Kirsten held the notebook out to me. "I kept one."

I stared at the notebook.

"Do you want to write down how many days you've been sober?" Kirsten asked excitedly, smiling from ear to ear. "It will have been seven days now. Can you believe it?"

I felt a sick feeling in my gut.

"No." I mumbled, resting my head on my knees.

"So…do you want to?" Kirsten asked slowly.

I couldn't tell her that I had let her down. I couldn't admit that I had sucked Merle's dick for one can of warm beer. Kirsten had done so much for me, and even though I hated her for it at times, I couldn't throw it back in her face.

"Not now." I muttered, turning my head away from Kirsten.

"Okay." Kirsten said. "What should we do?"

I looked down at the blue shirt in my lap.

"I'm going to change." I answered, getting to my feet.

"Okay." Kirsten smiled up at me. "I'll be right here when you get back."

I cringed inwardly as I climbed onto the RV.

0o0o0

Shane called everyone together after the ones who had gone on the trip had time to settle in. He wanted to show everyone what they had collected, but he also wanted to talk with everyone about what they had seen during their journey. The big finds were a bag overflowing with canned goods and boxed foods, some over the counter medicine, a couple of fishing poles, and some hunting gear. There had been more, but the deal was that if Daryl or Merle went on the raid, they got to keep a third of what was found.

"What was it like…in the city?" Miranda asked after Shane had explained the rules regarding rations and any use of the found gear.

"Well, I have to be honest..." Shane looked around at all of our faces. "It wasn't pretty."

I glanced at Kirsten, who was sitting next to me on a cooler.

"The city is overrun with…walkers." Shane announced.

"Walkers?" Dale asked, lifting a bushy eyebrow.

"That's kind of what we started calling them." Shane explained, meeting Morales' eyes. "That's what we started calling the infected…people."

"How did you manage to get in and out of the city?" Dale asked.

"Luck." Shane replied, his hands on his hips. "We came in from the south through Underground Atlanta. That's where we made our finds."

"Daryl and I went to have a look at what it was like outside." Morales spoke up. "There were…walkers…everywhere."

"We were able to get in and out without getting any unwanted attention, but the city is still dangerous." Shane took a look around at all of us. "I don't want to make it a habit of going there on runs until it's absolutely necessary."

It was quiet for a while. Nobody knew what to say, or they didn't want to say what they were thinking.

"Well, that's all I have for now." Shane broke the silence.

I stayed with Kirsten while the others got back to what they had been doing before.

"Was it scary?" I asked, turning towards Kirsten.

"Of course." Kirsten murmured honestly. "It was very scary, but it had to be done."

"Yeah." I nodded.

Kirsten smiled and reached out to touch the sleeve of my new shirt.

"I'm glad it fits." Kirsten laughed as she ran her fingers over my bra strap. "Well, for the most part."

The V-neck was a little wide on me. Both my red bra straps showed.

"Thanks." I said, adjusting my sleeve. "For the shirt…and stuff."

"It was my pleasure." Kirsten assured me with a nod.

I rubbed the back of my neck, unsure of what else there was to say. It was strange. Before, I had been my usual self around Kirsten. I treated her the same way I treated other people who disapproved of my drinking – with attitude. Since I wasn't currently drinking anymore, I didn't know how to act. I didn't feel like the same person I had been. I didn't know who I was.

"So, what did you do while I was gone?" Kirsten asked, turning towards me.

"Dale read to me." I blurted out right away as images of Merle played in my head. "That was pretty much it. There isn't much to tell."

Kirsten nodded, still smiling. There was something about the look on her face that made me think she knew my secret. I wondered if I was being paranoid or not. I didn't feel like I was, but Kirsten had also done and said very little to me since she had gotten back.

"Well, what do you want to do for the rest of the day?" Kirsten asked.

"I don't know." I shrugged, trying to relax under Kirsten's gaze. "What do you want to do?"

"I was thinking that I would take over for Dale once his time on watch is up." Kirsten replied, motioning to Dale, who had climbed back up on the RV roof.

"Okay." I nodded.

"You're more than welcome to join me if you want." Kirsten offered softly, giving my back a quick rub. "We could talk, or we could just sit together. It's up to you."

I scanned camp. Lori, Miranda, and Carol were sitting with the kids. They had a book Dale had given them called _Adventures of Tom Sawyer_. Ed was sitting in front of his tent keeping a watchful eye on Carol and Sophia. Morales and Shane were having some sort of discussion away from the others.

"I'm actually kind of tired." I lied, even throwing in a fake yawn for good measure. "I think I'm going to lay down for a little while."

"Are you feeling okay?" Kirsten asked, removing her hand from my back to place on my forehead.

"Kirsten, I said I was tired." I snapped, getting to my feet. "I'm tired. That's it."

Before she could ask me any more questions, I stomped away towards the RV.

0o0o0

That night we feasted on canned corn and rabbit meat. Food had never tasted so good to me as when I ate a spoonful of the canned corn. The others must have felt the same way, because before I could blink, everyone's helping was gone. There was a little left in the second can Shane had opened, so that went to the kids.

Dale was taking watch again by the time Kirsten and I got onto the RV. I hadn't spoken to her since our conversation that afternoon, so she took the hint and left me alone. She set herself up on the couch and fell asleep. I could hear her snoring quietly.

I curled up in bed and tried to sleep, but I couldn't. All I could think about was the fact that Kirsten was sleeping a few feet away and that Dale was on the roof above my head. I was always being watched by someone. I never had a moment's peace. It didn't help that there was still part of me that thought Kirsten knew about what I had done in her absence. That thought was making me anxious. I tossed and turned in bed, trying to work out that nervous energy. It was no use. I needed to get out.

I went to the window. Kirsten was still snoring on the couch as I slowly opened it. She didn't stir when I started to climb out of it. I was able to make my escape.

It was a warm night. I tugged at my shirt, fanning air up through the bottom. I thought about the quarry. I decided to go for a night swim. I had taken many, many night swims in my life. The only difference this time was that I didn't have a floating cooler full of beer with me.

When I got to the quarry, I didn't see Daryl or Merle. Their fire was still going.

I was getting ready to undress when I suddenly saw movement out of the corner of my eye. I turned my head to see Daryl emerging from the woods, his crossbow raised. When he saw that it was only me, he lowered it.

"Hey…" I mumbled awkwardly, sitting down on the ground to take off my shoes and socks.

Daryl grunted in reply as he walked passed me towards the fire and his tent.

I stuffed my socks into my shoes before I unbuttoned and unzipped my jeans.

"What the hell are you doin'?" Daryl suddenly asked from the fire.

"What does it look like I'm doing?" I asked, getting to my feet to pull of my jeans.

"Ain't it kind of late for a bath?" Daryl asked.

"I'm not taking a bath." I replied, pulling my shirt over my head. "I'm going for a swim."

"Same thing." Daryl snorted, poking at the fire with a stick.

"It isn't the same thing." I argued, folding my arms over my chest. "A bath involves washing and shaving. I'm just going to…"

I remembered that I didn't care about talking with Daryl, or Merle, or the others. So, I walked right into the water. It was cool and refreshing in the evening heat. I submerged myself underwater and swam through the darkness. When I needed to come up for air, I floated on my back in the middle of the water. I looked up at the night sky. The moon was half full. You could see the stars forever. I felt like I was floating in space.

I touched back down and waded through the water, keeping my hands on top of it. I looked at the shore where Daryl sat in front of the fire. I figured he was keeping watch and keeping the fire alive. Merle was still nowhere to be seen. I assumed he was asleep in his tent.

Daryl suddenly looked up from the fire at me. I wondered if he had been watching me the whole time I had been in the water.

When I was through with swimming, I came out of the water. I twisted my hair in my fists, wringing out the water. It wasn't as warm with my wet hair and skin. I looked at the fire. Daryl had gone back to staring at it.

Without an invitation, I sat down across from him to dry off.

"Can I help you?" Daryl asked, poking the fire.

"No." I replied, holding my hands out towards the flames.

"Why don't you go back to your own camp and do that?" Daryl asked.

"I'll only stay for a few minutes, okay?" I rolled my eyes.

Daryl grumbled under his breath and continued poking and prodding the fire.

I looked across the fire at Daryl. His messy brown hair looked a little golden in the light of the fire. His skin was covered in a light sheen of sweat, especially around his scraggly facial hair.

"What?" Daryl startled me by suddenly directing his grumbling at me.

"What?" I asked in an annoyed tone, a direct result of having been startled.

"What're you lookin' at?" Daryl asked, his tone mirroring mine.

"I wasn't looking at anything." I insisted harshly, glaring right back at Daryl.

"You was just starin' at me." Daryl snapped.

"If I was staring at you, it was because your face is covered in dirt." I bit back nastily, looking down at my hands.

"Whatever." Daryl huffed.

After a minute, I peeked back up at Daryl. He was watching the fire. I watched the way the muscles in his arms worked when he tossed branches into the flames. Even though he had been annoying and rude on several occasions, I had to admit that Daryl was good looking.

"Anyways, you were staring at me earlier." I broke the silence.

"What?" Daryl asked, immediately lifting his gaze.

"Out there." I motioned with my eyes and my hand to the water. "You were watching me."

"So?" Daryl asked, looking back down at the fire.

I looked down at my breasts, dripping wet inside my lacy bra. My skin looked golden brown in the flickering firelight. I knew Daryl had looked at me in the water and earlier that day because he liked how my body looked. Even though I had been annoying and rude to him before, he thought I was good looking.

I thought about those nights my friends and I took floating coolers out to the lake for a bonfire and camping. I imagined what it felt like, gliding through the cool water with a beer in one hand while some guy I had just met had his hand in my swimsuit. I shivered.

"Well, maybe we were looking for the same reason." I murmured, slowly looking up.

Daryl was already looking at me. He raised an eyebrow.

I casually fixed one bra strap, then placed both hands over my wet breasts to adjust them. Carefully, I glanced up at Daryl as I did so. He was watching me. I saw him swallow hard, then he looked away from me. I bit my lip and smiled.

I wondered how long I had been missing from the RV.

"I better get going." I said, getting up from the fire to put on my clothes.

I quickly got dressed, leaving my socks and shoes off to carry back with me.

With that, I headed back to camp. I snuck in through the window the same way I had snuck out. I tossed my shoes, socks still inside, onto the floor.

"Layla?"

I pivoted to see Kirsten getting out from behind the table she must have been sitting at.

"Where have you been?" Kirsten asked, coming towards me.

"Why do you want to know?" I asked defensively, crossing my arms over my chest.

"I was worried about you." Kirsten replied calmly.

"You know, I'm really sick and tired of you guys treating me like I'm a child." I snapped.

"Who?" Kirsten asked, folding her hands over her chest like me.

"You, Dale…" I threw my arms out. "I'm really sick of it, Kirsten!"

"Okay." Kirsten said, slowly sitting down on the bed. "Let's talk about this."

"I don't want to talk about this!" I cried out of sheer frustration. "There's nothing to talk about! I'm tired of you wanting to talk about every little thing that happens! I'm sick of it!"

Kirsten remained silent. She just looked up at me, listening patiently.

"I'm not five years old." I continued, lowering my voice somewhat. "I couldn't sleep. I went for a swim. Is that so terrible?"

"I don't know. You tell me." Kirsten answered calmly.

"What?" I asked, confused.

"Well, why did you feel the need to sneak out?" Kirsten asked.

"Because you would have wanted to know where I was going and you probably would have wanted to come with me." I answered.

"Layla, if there's one thing I know about you, it's that you don't have a problem speaking your mind and stating your opinion." Kirsten said with a soft smile. "You haven't had any issue with telling me to back off and give you space before. What would have stopped you tonight?"

My arms fell limply to my sides. I didn't know what to say. Kirsten was right. The reason I snuck out was because, maybe subconsciously, my motives for going to the quarry weren't so innocent. Maybe I had gone there hoping that Merle would be willing to give me another drink. Maybe I had gone there thinking that Daryl might want to get frisky.

"Is there something you want to tell me?" Kirsten asked quietly. "Anything at all?"

I had two choices. I could lie to Kirsten, but that defensiveness would continue to live under my skin, ready to rear its head if I felt like my secret could be uncovered. I could tell Kirsten the truth, but in the process, I would disappoint her. I would fuel that fire she had burning to protect me.

"I…" I looked down at the floor.

"Layla," Kirsten reached out to grab my hand, "you can tell me anything."

I sighed.

"I drank." I muttered quickly before I could change my mind.

Kirsten continued to hold my hand. I couldn't look up from the floor.

"How much?" Kirsten finally asked.

"A beer." I replied, still staring down at the floor.

"Where did you get it?"

"Merle."

"Did you feel sick-"

"What does it matter, Kirsten?" I interrupted her loudly. "I drank. That's it. I fucked up. I fucking failed. Is that what you want to hear? What else do you want me to say?"

"Layla, you're an alcoholic." Kirsten replied, getting to her feet.

Kirsten set her hands on my shoulders.

"You will always be an alcoholic." Kirsten said, looking into my eyes in the darkness. "You will struggle with sobriety for the rest of your life. There will be times where the temptation is weak, where it's easy to walk past a bar without giving it a second thought. Then, there will be other times when that demon will reach up from inside of you, grab you, and try to take hold of you."

Kirsten's hands ran down my arms to hold my hands.

"Do you know why I know that despite this mistake, you can do this?" Kirsten asked.

I shook my head.

"Look around you." Kirsten scanned the area. "There are three working vehicles here that you could have stolen at any time to get away from here. Even if you couldn't have taken a vehicle, you could have run away. It's quite clear you could have snuck away unnoticed."

Kirsten nodded towards the window.

"Layla, you haven't done that. You've stayed. You've stayed here to fight that demon, and I know it's because deep down, you don't want to live like you used to anymore. You want to fight that demon. You want to get better."

Kirsten lifted one hand to my face.

"You could have chosen to keep that information to yourself, but you didn't. You came clean to me." Kirsten stroked my cheek. "I'm proud of you."

I was speechless. Kirsten was proud of me. She wasn't disappointed. She believed in me.

"Now, I want to talk more about this, but I also think you should get some sleep." Kirsten released me. "Do you want me to stay with you?"

I shook my head.

"Okay." Kirsten gave me a smile. "The burden of your secret has been lifted. Get a good night's sleep, Layla."

I took of my jeans before crawling into bed. I thought for sure I would be awake for hours going over the conversation I had just had with Kirsten, but I was surprised. I fell asleep and had the best night's sleep I had had since the last time I had been sedated.


End file.
